


Fated

by methuselahsattemptatlife



Category: Digimon
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 12:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methuselahsattemptatlife/pseuds/methuselahsattemptatlife
Summary: Five years after vanishing, a face from the past appears at Davis's door to remind him about the time when he lost his heart.





	1. Knock, Knock

“Soon we won’t even need televisions anymore,” said a voice from the local news, coming a bit muffled through the old TV speakers. The man on the screen flickered as he turned to his co-host. “Our phones have everything we need – flashlights, compasses, and now? Netflix! Twitter!”

“You’re right, Ritsu,” the dark haired woman replied.

“My ten year old knows more about technology than both me and my wife!”

“That’s your own fault,” the woman laughed. “I love the freedom – when I was a kid, technology was a miracle! I went from waiting thirty minutes for AOL to load to having all sixteen of my email addresses in the same place – and _fast!”_

 “But you know the only thing our phones can’t give us? A life!”

“That’s debatable, Ritsu!”

 Laughter permeated the lull of voices coming from the show, rousing a young man from the kitchen table. In his eyes was burned an image of the blue skies peeking from the crowd of rooftops surrounding him. Blinking, he glanced at his phone and a long black screen glared back at him. A sigh rippled through his body. He pressed the power button and the screen lit up. It showed one open message, blinking green, but his thumbs did not move. The impression of the blue sky faded from his mind as his thoughts returned. Staring at the reply box he hit the power button again. It darkened. The blank phone slipped easily into his pocket.

Slouching low in his chair, the boy stared at his lap and thrust his hands deep into his pockets. “Davis!” His mother called sharply from another room. Stumbling to his feet, he hurried to answer her.

 

* * *

 

"When? When the beginning? "

Sitting perched on the couch, a lithe young man allowed himself to speak. "I've never been any different. Not for a long time." His voice was hoarse. The scratchy handwriting hurt his ears. He kept his eyes on the floor and listened only to the tick of the clock.

“How long?”

“Years - about five years.”

Very gently, the voice took a deep breath and tried again. "Ken," he said patiently. "Tell me, in your own words, what you think is wrong with you.”

Flashes filled his head. The narrow screen of a laptop penetrating into another reality. Planes roaring across the sky. Sirens. “Nothing,” he replied. “It’s the past that haunts me.”

 

* * *

 

 

Loud knocking could be heard from the front of the apartment. Davis climbed off a short ladder and wiped his paint-stained hands on his shirt as he went to answer the door. Padding through the apartment in bare feet, he quickly slid into slippers to answer the door, praying that it wasn’t a girl. Carefully he cracked open the door and peered out. “Hello…” He began, but the words died in his throat once the face swiveled into view.

“Davis? Do you… remember me?” A soft voice said.

Pale as paper, Davis nodded, letting the door swing open a bit more. He couldn’t find his voice. A boy about his height with long dark hair, which rested over his shoulder in a ponytail, stood on the welcome mat. He looked neat with his trousers and dress shirt freshly ironed. The scent of laundry detergent touched Davis’s nose. The boy was handsome in the way women sometimes were; quietly, brilliantly, and beautifully. All his clothes were light colors so his presence was uncannily both light in appearance and heavy in nature.

He stood poised and unshakably calm. Bright eyes flickered over Davis with a range of emotions that surged and ebbed like the ocean in a storm, but the familiar unblemished face within which they rested showed no change.  Following the body language of his host - who was maybe old enough to be in college – the young man stepped inside and stood placidly in the dipped foyer, looking around with wide eyes. “This place hasn’t changed at all… Are you remodeling?”

“Mom wanted me to paint my sister’s room before she got back this week,” Davis answered instinctively. “She’s graduating… college.”

“…That’s great news.”

The boy’s shy smile banished all of Davis’s bravado. His heart bunched up into knots. Pushing the door shut, Davis let his hands linger on its cool back, refusing to look over his shoulder at his guest. “How can you do that?” He said sharply.

“Do what?” The boy asked, bewilderment in his voice.

“Smile!” Davis turned on him and there was darkness in his eyes. “Five years,” he whispered. “Five years.”

The boy did not crumple beneath the heavy gaze but seemed to stiffen, bracing himself against Davis’s anger. He stood pale and wordless.

“Ken,” Davis said avidly. “You come to my door… like this?” He motioned to Ken’s body. “Like you didn’t do anything at all, like nothing happened! What did you - how…?” His eyes roamed the healthy figure standing in his foyer, all his fine clothes and polite manner and good posture, before finally reaching the unreadable face. Then the hard eyes softened. “Where were you?” Davis whispered. His words were cut short as his anger faded around the edges.

“I’m so sorry, Davis,” Ken began gently. “You have to believe me, it wasn’t my idea-”

“Believe you? I have to believe - ?” Davis snorted. “Like I have to believe _anything_ you say!”

 _“Please!”_ Ken cried suddenly, surprising them both. For a split second they locked eyes and the torrent of emotions jolted between them punched Davis’s words from his chest like all the pressure in the room had crushed him. Ken withdrew shyly, dropping his eyes to the floor. “It wasn’t my fault,” he said. “I didn’t have any say in it. After we got back from the Digital World, my parents planned everything - in a month, I was shipped away! I didn’t know where I was going or when I was leaving and then I wake up and… I’m in England, and I don’t know English, and I have school in the morning, and I can’t call you because the phones don’t work, because we don’t have long distance, and… and I can’t find you on the internet, and my Digivice wouldn’t… it wouldn’t work… And I couldn’t do anything, I was so helpless!” He stopped himself as tears crept into his voice.

Davis was staring at him. “You’re serious.”

“Yes.” Ken shrugged a heavy bag off his shoulder and swung it to the floor with a thud. He rubbed his nose, turning away. “Fuck,” he whispered desperately. “This sounds so bad.”

“You bet it does.” Davis’s words were cold and flat. He motioned to the floor and kicked off his slippers, walking barefoot into the living room and leaving Ken in his wake. Behind him he could hear his guest easing out of his new white sneakers. He sat down in a big chair facing the window and stared out into the sliver of blue sky and even the sound of Ken’s soft footsteps approaching served to further harden his heart.

Ken folded onto the couch like a weakened foal. His voice was blank. “Davis… those were the hardest five years of my life. I didn’t think I’d ever see my friends or my home here in Japan ever again. Against my will, I had to live halfway across the world – with no connections, no friends, no plans... It was the most horrible thing that could’ve happened to me.” He stared at his lap. “… to us.”

A moment passed. No one said anything and nothing in the room, nor outside in the streets, moved. It could have been done possibly out of respect for the weight of what had just happened. But it’s also possible that this incredible lull in time was fabricated by the universe, a glitch in space, dragging on into eternity, just to make these two boys – out of everyone else in the world – suffer just a little bit longer than they needed to. It weighed down their bodies like every drop of their blood suddenly turned into lead and yanked on their heart strings carelessly, flaunting itself. Yes. Today the universe was feeling cruel. Ken pushed water out of his eyes as it clouded his vision but just as he opened his mouth to sob he was cut short.

“I missed you so much.” Davis’s voice trembled. “I’d never felt anything like that before. That pain of someone’s absence.”

Shock rippled through Ken. He lifted his eyes, desperately studying Davis’s face, but he didn’t find what he was looking for. Color rose in his face and the dark circles around his eyes was pushed away.

“We thought you were kidnapped at first,” Davis said absently. “But your parents were gone too, and so we looked everywhere - even in the Digital World. When we finally heard that you moved away...”

“You thought I didn’t want to be friends anymore, I know.”

Davis swore, dragging his body out of the chair. “No, you don’t!”

Ken didn’t flinch. “They told me, Davis.”

Staring at him, Davis felt suddenly vulnerable standing in the middle of the room.  His throat was dry. “Who told you?”

 “I was afraid to talk to you first,” Ken explained quietly. Now the blue eyes were pleading.

“Who else?” Davis demanded. “Who else knows you’re back?”

“I… saw Kari. And she called the others, and gave me their numbers, and… later I’ll see them, too.”

Davis dragged a hand over his mouth. “Kari.”

“She was the only one still at her home address besides you. I went to everyone, just in case, but their homes were all filled with… different faces.” Ken paused. “I’m happy yours wasn’t.” When he glanced over, Davis was staring at him blankly and he blushed. “I wanted to see you here like this. At home. You’re so grown up, but… still it’s you.”

Even though his tan hid most of his embarrassment as well as his angry flush, Davis was blushing. And the more he stared at Ken the hotter his whole body started to feel. He took a sudden step forward. _What am I doing?_ He thought. He shut his eyes and felt his arms surrounding Ken. He felt a hot rush of panic in his chest, but the smell of Ken’s hair quenched the sudden fiery pain with a cool wave of relief. He hid his face in that hair, he felt the press of Ken’s nose in his shoulder, he felt the kind embrace of an old, old friend, and he felt their tension draining away,

The carpet dug into Davis’s knees and he realized he’d sunk to the floor. He tightened his squeeze, and Ken’s arms tightened around him in return, the press of his body stronger than Davis ever remembered it being. It was him. He was real. He was home.

“I missed you so much,” Ken murmured. “Davis, forgive me, please.”

“Shut up,” Davis grunted. “Of course I forgive you. God, I can’t believe it…” He pulled back and when he tried to look at Ken, he was all blurry. Angrily he rubbed the tears from his eyes.

Laughing, Ken wiped his nose. “You’re still so stubborn – nothing changed!”

 “But _five years!”_

“I know! Stop reminding me!”

Davis leaned his free elbow on Ken’s knee. His other hand locked in a grip with Ken’s arm. Without the prolonged contact he was afraid that he wouldn’t be sure he could really touch is best friend again. “Jesus - how are you, Ken?” His eyes memorized every new line on Ken’s face, the mature cut of his jaw – he even has his ears pierced!

Ken cast his eyes to their connected arms. His pale skin had vulnerable veins snaking up the wrist, vanishing beneath the band of his watch and vanishing into his palm. It looked so feminine and frail. Davis’s arm was tense with underlying muscle, dotted with freckles and soft hair and his skin was dark, as if he were still playing soccer on the middle school sports team. Ken took a deep breath. “Now that I’m home? Perfect. I’m absolutely perfect.”

“You look great,” Davis grinned. “You gained some weight, but it looks good on you! I always thought you were too skinny.”

“Me? You were all elbows and knees!”

“Yeah but I could knock ‘em out! You were good at soccer, sure, but you weren’t such a tough guy.” Davis looked into his face. “You really simmered down. But I remember we always argued, and you wouldn’t believe how much I missed that after you left.”

Ken gawked at him. “Really?”

“Totally! Gosh, no one else even bothered arguing with me after you left – they just started telling me that I sounded like a flat trombone!”

Ken dissolved into laughter.

“It’s true!” Davis giggled. His thumb moved across the soft pale skin of Ken’s underarm. That sensation was electric, sparking along his nerves and bringing the past crashing down on him. He lost himself in a flash of memories. The desert. Ken’s goggles dissolving in the sand. Cries of anguish. The desperation he felt while watching Ken walk away, vanishing over the horizon. He shuddered. Ken’s eyes were lingering on his own when he finally looked up and Davis backed away, getting clumsily to his feet.

 “I’ll… make you some tea,” he said awkwardly. He waited for Ken to give an innocent nod before marching into the kitchen. _What’s my problem?_ He thought quietly as his body went into autopilot. _Ken is here, and I feel…_ His heart throbbed. Suddenly he realized they were no longer touching. Flickering, his brain gave him a sense of panic at the thought that Ken might not be real. Davis dropped the metal tea box and it clattered to the counter. Fumbling for it, he heard Ken shift on the couch.

“Are you ok?” Ken called.

“Y-Yeah,” Davis called back. “My hand… slipped…”

Davis tried to swallow but his tongue was too dry. Ever since they were kids he’d been way too attached to Ken, but after five years he’d forgotten what it was like – to stand in the same room as him; to feel the weight of his blue eyes; to feel him moving around the room, his heart calm, his movements casual, his cute, open expressions… _Cute._ The teapot screeched and Davis fumbled to pick it up. _Fuck,_ Davis lamented. _I forgot what it was like for me, before Ken left. I never thought I’d feel like this again. It’s so childish to still have this crush on him!_ He took extra time pouring the tea and setting the cups on nice matching saucers before finally returning.

“Here,” he offered, holding it out.

Ken’s white hands delicately balanced the tea cup and saucer on his knee. He raised the cup to his lips. “I’m sorry to just come by and drop this bomb on you,” he said after a minute. “I know I should have called beforehand but I couldn’t risk you trying to avoid me. I needed to see your… you again.”

Davis put down his tea. “My…? You thought I’d avoid you?”

“When you saw me at the door, I could tell that you were furious. Imagine if I’d called and said, ‘Davis I’m not dead!’ and then given you a couple hours to stew about it!” Ken laughed. “You’d have a hell of a bone to pick with me then!”

“Point taken. Hey, you said you went to England, right?”

“Yeah, a nice prep school. When I graduated my parents let me choose my own college, so I chose to come back to Japan.”

“And you can speak English now?”

Ken made a face. “With an accent.”

Laughing, Davis sat back on the couch beside him. “You really know how to one-up everyone, don’t you? You can’t even learn a language normally!”

“It’s a gift.” Ken sipped his tea. “…Davis.”

“Hm?”

“I thought about you all the time that I was gone. When I got on the plane home, you’re all I could think about the whole way back.” Gently Ken put aside his tea. “I was terrified when I thought about how angry you’d be, but… I grieved for our friendship for five years.”

“Me too.” Davis snuck a glance at him. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Me too.” Ken caught his eye. “I thought you’d never _want_ to see me again.”

Speechless, Davis looked into Ken’s eyes and he was astonished by the amount of pain he saw. After Ken’s brother died, he had known so much pain. Davis had sworn himself into a promise when they first became friends – he had sworn to protect him and that nothing else would hurt Ken so long as he could help it. But Ken had left. Davis had been powerless to protect him, and now behind those big blue eyes five years of fresh anguish stared back at him.

Davis reached out and rested his hand on Ken’s leg. “I’m glad you’re home,” he managed.

Ken’s smile was so pained. “Don’t cry. If you cry, I’ll cry, and I’ll have you know I’ve got a reputation to uphold now!”

“Sorry!” Davis rubbed his face. “I’m sorry, I won’t cry.”

“Davis…” Ken looked from Davis to the carpet. “I know this is really overwhelming –it’s not just one sided – and I know there’s only so much a person can take at one time. So, I’m gonna head home. I still live in the city center and I’ll leave you my number-”

“Wait!” Davis cried as Ken went to rise.

They both froze.

Davis’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he finally swallowed. “Stay.”


	2. Did You Miss Me?

Ken rubbed fresh tears from his eyes. “Davis…”

“Please," Davis pleaded.

 “I need some air,” Ken protested. “Before I do something I’m going to regret.”

“What?”

Ken looked away. 

“Ok, ok,” Davis conceded.

He got to his feet and led Ken to the balcony door. They stepped out into a sliver of sunlight, standing close together as they leaned on the railing and let the sounds of the city sweep over them. The breeze dried their tears and ruffled their hair. Ken bent his face to the road below and Davis has his turned to the sun. Leaning against one another, they stood in silence for a few minutes just soaking up each other’s presence. Then, Ken lifted his head. Davis looked at him.

“Did you think about me all the time?” Ken asked. His long dark ponytail was swinging gently against his chest. The starkly white shirt he wore was tucked in. His belt buckle was silver.

“All the time,” Davis admitted.

Pink lips curled up into a smile. “Tell me more.”

Davis looked away over the city. “I would’ve given anything to find you back then.”

Ken leaned his head on Davis’s shoulder. “And now?”

Glancing at him, Davis felt a warmth in his heart that had been absent for a long, long time. He bent his neck until his bangs brushed Ken’s forehead. “Now… I would give anything to keep you home.” Ken suddenly buried his face in Davis’s shoulder. “Stop crying!” Davis exclaimed.

“I can’t!” Ken wept. Davis wrapped him up in a hug and they swayed on the balcony, leaning against the railing and memorizing the feeling of their bodies being together again. Davis felt no shame in holding him like this. Even if he didn’t feel that old spark of romance in his heart he knew that what Ken needed right now was to feel accepted again and that was exactly what he was going to get from him, and from all of them. They had all shed tears over Ken’s disappearance but this was like a dream come true. Davis was elated by the idea that maybe they could all be together again.

Slowly, Ken calmed down. He relaxed. His arms hung loose around Davis’s waist, his cheek rested heavily on Davis’s shoulder. Even though he was a little taller than his friend he could easily slouch and fit comfortably against him this way. “I would dream about hearing you say those things to me.” Ken bunched up his fingers to grab handfuls of Davis’s dirty shirt. “But I could only picture us as kids, even as I got older. It seems so romantic hearing them from you like this.”

“Is that what you want?” Davis asked nervously. “Romance?”

Ken’s body tensed. “I shouldn’t have stayed.”

“Think you’ll still do something you regret?”

“Don’t,” Ken warned.

“Don’t what?” Davis asked, confused.

“Provoke me.” Ken untangled himself and stepped away, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. “God, I’ve been away five years. I don’t even know you anymore. We don’t know _each other_ anymore – I don’t want things like this.”

Davis held out his empty arms. “Yes, we do know each other. We always have.”

Staring at him, Ken’s eyes flickered between Davis’s eyes and his chest. “You’ve had girls.” Davis’s open hands curled into fists. They swung useless at his sides. “I knew you had.” Ken’s eyes lowered. “… Me, too.”

It was Davis’s turn to gawk at Ken. “You…?!”

“It’s not that hard to believe,” Ken said defensively.

“You’re like a girl yourself!”

“Hey!” Ken snapped.

Davis felt a rush of guilt. “Sorry, I really don’t mean it like that. I guess I just… I never pictured you…”

“I know,” Ken sighed, his posture relaxing. “I didn’t, either. But I did it, and I liked it. And girls like me. They can be really good for me, you know?” He watched his fingers twirl his long ponytail. “They help me forget everything… But…”

Davis sank onto a small wooden chair, lacing his fingers together. “But it’s not enough.” Ken looked at him, and Davis nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know.”

“It was the same for you?” Ken pressed.

“Ken, I’ve been chasing myself in circles since you left,” Davis whispered. “That’s why I’m telling you that we know each other still. We’ve been on the same path this whole time – just in different places. I understand what you’ve been going through. Not all of it, but I know you. I know how hurt you are. I’m hurt, too.” He got up slowly, facing Ken. They were close now - toe to toe - and Ken was looking at Davis with stars in his eyes, but he looked petrified.

“We’re the same, can’t you feel it?” Davis pleaded. The balcony door opened swiftly. Ken stepped inside, walking fast for the door. Davis’s heart was in his throat as he followed with careful steps. “Ken?”

Ken stopped on the threshold.

“We’ve already lost so much time,” Davis exclaimed. “You’re here for four years or more going to school – right? – and I’m not going anywhere! I don’t want to leave – not as long as you’re here. You’re home, Ken! What are you so afraid of?”

Ken just shook his head. His shoulders were hunched. The closer Davis stepped the more he could tell that they were shaking. His hands seemed alien as they reached for Ken’s waist and hungrily pressed into his curves. The body beneath his palms melted to let him in close and he pushed their bodies together with all of his might. Warm flesh pressed against him, arched, both of them helpless against a simmering feeling deep in their bellies, and the hitched breath Ken took was all the answer he needed. Lips touched Ken’s neck. Hands slipped over Ken’s stomach, and Davis felt simultaneously the warm heat beneath them and the cold hands folded over top of his own. A shy cheek turned towards him and he kissed it.

Ken was shaking. “Davis...”

“It’s ok,” Davis murmured. “Everything’s gonna be ok now. I’ll make sure it is.”

“Fuck,” Ken whispered. He dipped into him before turning in Davis’s arms and stepping away. “I… I can’t, I don’t know how to…”

“Ok.” Davis held up his hands. “Nothing is happening. Ok? Everything is fine.” Ken was all red. Blotches of it rose in his cheeks, his nose – even his ears were all red, but his eyes roiled like the ocean. Softly Davis smiled. “We don’t have to do it. We won’t do anything.” He held out his hands. Ken stared at them, then at Davis. “I’ve never done it either,” Davis confessed. “I just… I want to be close to you. I won’t push you into anything, Ken.”

Tentatively Ken touched Davis’s hands. “I wanted this,” he muttered. “You’re giving it to me, but… I don’t know how to take it.”

Davis threaded their fingers together. “Just like this.” He coaxed Ken forward a few steps. “We’ll do it together.”

“Ok,” Ken consented. His eyes followed their clasped hands.

David placed Ken’s hand on his shoulders and wrapped his own around Ken. Probably not for the first time during this kind of romance, Ken was like a deer in headlights. He looked to be feeling everything but unable to do anything. For Davis, this was ok. He was on a sort of adrenaline high. He’d been feeling down after five years of never finding a boyfriend and this had been just what he needed. This seemed to be what the both of them needed right now. Still Ken hesitated, clinging to Davis and unmoving, but he was unable to look away.

“What do you feel when I hold you like this?” Davis asked in a low voice. “Is it ok?”

“Safe,” Ken managed. “I feel safe.”

Davis’s heart spilled over with feeling. He leaned in. Ken seemed to be magnetized to him, lips parting, and Davis felt their mouths meet. He took a good long taste of the boy he’d missed for five years. Ken kissed him like they’d been lost lovers apart for almost an eternity and it surpassed his wildest dreams. All the tension in Ken’s body yielded to Davis. He held him like he was fine China, terrified he’d break but burning for him still. When they touched like this, everything was sweet and warm; the world went really fuzzy in Davis’s head and he felt higher, as if he’d jumped out of an airplane and was rushing towards the ground without a parachute. Then their noes brushed and he could remember no sweeter feeling. Their bodies were together in this space, touching, making love to one another in the most innocent way, and he never wanted to be doing anything else ever again.

When it was over, Davis couldn’t breathe. He just stood there clutching Ken with his eyes begging for more. Ken’s hands slid down to Davis’s chest. “Davis,” he whispered seriously. “If I asked you to push me, would you?”

“Tell me that’s what you want, and I will.”

“Will your mom be home soon?”

“Not until late.”

“Your sister?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

“Then yes, I want you to push me.” Ken breathed. “I want you to push me now.”

Nodding, Davis took a moment. He eased the hairband from Ken’s hair. He slid it onto his own wrist as he ran his fingers through Ken’s long silky hair, moving it over his shoulder. When he let it go, it spread out over his back like a black waterfall.

“Davis,” Ken pleaded.

“Shhh,” Davis soothed.

He slid his fingers into Ken’s hair with one hand, pulling his head in close, and Ken gave a small moan into Davis’s mouth as they kissed again. They moved together hungrily, all lips and fingertips. The sun dipped a little lower in the sky. Davis sat on the couch with Ken in his lap, kissing him fiercely. He gathered his courage now and dipped his hand between their rubbing pelvises, closing his hand around the swell there that didn’t belong to him. Ken was roused. He pressed harder, kissed deeper, hiding behind the physical. Davis gave him a nice squeeze before working at the buttons on his dress pants. Ken made a nervous sound.

Davis pulled back from the kiss. “Relax. This is all for you.” He kissed Ken sweetly to punctuate the sentence.

“Ok.” Ken was breathing unevenly. He gasped as Davis unbuttoned his boxers and slipped his member out. Hiding his face in Davis’s shoulder, as Davis sank his hand in, he let a waterfall of moans fall from his lips. It felt so hot and hard in Davis’s palm; he’d never touched another boy before, but he knew just how he wanted to do it.

“So hard,” Davis murmured, pleased. “Good boy.” He closed his hand around it and gave it a few loose shakes.

“Davis…”

“A little more?” Davis tightened his grip. The responding gasp of pleasure was answer enough. He felt Ken tense up and begin to rock his hips and he gave him nice long strokes, tightening his hand around the tip. “Good boy… Just like that…” Davis coaxed. His gaze was torn between the cock in his hand and the waterfall of hair hiding Ken’s shy sex face. He couldn’t stop grinning. _Oh, I’m going to tease him,_ he thought lustily. _I’ve been dreaming about this since I was fourteen._ “You like that?” He pressed.

Ken found his voice, layered with ecstasy. “God yes, yes,” he said quickly. “Davis… Harder…”

Tucking Ken’s hair behind his ear with his free hand, Davis kissed his temple and obeyed. Ken began to groan like a cat in heat. He sat back and fucked into Davis’s hand, his cock starkly pink and wet and his tan dress pants dotted with droplets of pre-cum. It was like seeing his own personal film. Davis kept getting distracted by the noise, the feeling, the smell of sex, and suddenly he tightened his grip. “Ah,” Ken cried, clutching Davis’s knees as he sat in his lap and bucked his hips.

“Come on,” Davis urged. “You’re so good, Ken.”

Ken groused. “I… ah…”  

Davis leaned forward, running his tongue over Ken’s pale throat. He sank his teeth into his soft flesh.

“Ah… Davis…!” Ken’s moans took on a higher pitch as Davis began sucking it, running his tongue over the marks he left. “Give it to me, Ken. Cum for me,” Davis purred. He bit him again and again, his body rolling with Ken’s. He was drunk on sex. In his cargo shorts, his cock strained the zipper of his fly, thirsty for a body to wrap around it. But Davis could barely remember how to pay attention to himself at this point. He was very busy tasting every inch of Ken’s neck.

Every detail was burned into Davis’s mind forever as a steady stream of his name spilled out of Ken. The intensity of his bucking reached its peak, and his short burst of climax had the cries decrescendo into exhausted moans. Something hot and wet soaked into Davis’s shirt - he savored the feeling. Ken wrapped himself around Davis. He made small noises whenever Davis’s thumb passed gently over his member, hungrier than ever to be touching him now that he was satisfied. They sat languidly kissing for a long time.

“Ever had sex on the first date before?” Davis murmured against Ken’s mouth.

“This wasn’t even a date,” Ken breathed shakily. “I feel like such a _slut_.”

“You are not a slut!” Davis cried.

“I haven’t seen you in five years. We’ve been together for three hours and you’ve already got me jacked off on your mom’s couch. This is a porno, and I am a slut.”

Davis shook his head avidly. “Ken, how long have you wanted to be with me?”

“… Seven years.”

“Seven?”

“Yeah, since we first met.”

 “Seven years is a long time to have a crush on somebody!” Davis pointed out “I thought it was bad for _me_ when you left – I only realized five years ago that I liked you that way. You have two years over me. And in all that time you’ve wanted to be… like this?”

“Well… yeah…”

“I’ve already made you cum, you don’t have to blush anymore.”

“Davis!” Ken squeaked.

“My point is…! You’re a guy who has never been with another guy. You’ve always wanted one – for seven years you wanted just one guy! And fate handed him to you on a silver platter, just so that you could finally have the romance you _always_ dreamed of. So, you dive right in.” Davis shrugged. “That sounds romantic to me.”

Ken carefully replaced himself and tidied his appearance as he thought about his argument. His eyes roved over Davis’s face. “Well,” he began, neatly making himself a new ponytail. “Romance isn’t inherently sexual. I wanted the romance… but I wanted the sex more.”

Davis made a face. “Ok, you have a point.”

“Slutty,” Ken sighed.

“Look - we’re in the same boat. I told you we were. I wanted romance for five years, but I _dreamed_ about what we just did for that long, too!” Davis put his hands on Ken’s hips. “When two people love each other, and want to be with each other, it’s ok for them to do this. In fact, I think we earned it – we waited a long time to be together like this, right?”

“Yes we did, but we’ve lost touch for five years and you… love me?” Ken replied tentatively.

Davis’s Adams apple bobbed. He had just said that, hadn’t he?


	3. Old and New

He blushed. Suddenly, his blood boiled – a wave of bravado bubbled up in his chest. _“Of course I do!”_ He yelled. “What do you think this is? A soap opera? I couldn’t touch a single guy in my life because I was always thinking about _you!_ I knew what to do just now because I’ve spent years planning to do it with _you!_ I saw your face… I saw your face, at my door, and I was so _angry_ because all this time I thought I was pining after something I could never have, not ever - when in reality you were just a plane ride away!”

Davis hid his face in Ken’s chest, wrapping his arms around him, touching as much of his back as his hands could reach. “God… I love you so much more than I thought I did… so much more than I thought I could love anyone… just having you back… means so much to me…” He struggled to stay calm. Ken’s fingers ran through his hair gently, sending electricity sparking through his scalp. Slowly he drew back. The overwhelming nature of the whole situation weighed heavy in Ken’s eyes. Davis knew he was pushing and pushing hard, but his heart was stubborn and he couldn’t wait. “Ken,” Davis said seriously. “Please don’t think that I’m just messing around with your feelings.”

“I don’t know what to think,” Ken said.

Davis’s chest ached. “What? Why?”

Lowering his eyes, Ken stared at Davis’s torso. He put his hands on his flat chest. His fingers brushed the hem of his shirt, tracing the swell of his belly. The soft shirt beneath his fingertips gave way to his every touch. “I felt like I was in a dream before,” he said with a faint smile. “Your body, your voice, the way you touched me… but now…” He withdrew his hands. “We obviously have a lot of unresolved needs that are going to be the foundation of this new relationship. You and me are like two halves of the same person finally being sewn back together. We need to learn how to walk again. It’s not a normal start to a romance.”

Davis got a sinking feeling. “And?”

“And…” Ken swallowed. “We can’t run before we walk. I think if we jump into things… we’ll crash and burn as a couple.”

“But - !” Davis protested. He was cut off by Ken’s commanding finger in his face.

“Look, I’ve seen this happen before. I’ve read about it. And I don’t want it to happen to you and me. What we have is really special, Davis, and if we throw ourselves into this like a couple of knuckleheads one of us is going to come out hurt!” Ken snapped.

“Oh.” Davis replied emptily.

“Davis…” Ken put his hand over Davis’s heart. Their eyes met, placid sadness and anguish melting together. “I want you. All of you. I want you so badly that I let you touch me in a way no boy has ever touched me before. Right now I want you with me – I want you to do whatever you want in my life because I know that’s where you belong. But I also know that if we rush things, one small bump in the road could ruin everything we’ve waited so long to enjoy.”

Davis looked away. His face was contorted in silent conflict, but Ken kissed it. His tenderness drew Davis’s lips back towards him. Gently they kissed. “Let’s do it,” Ken whispered. “Let’s be together. Right now. But… let’s take it slow. Ok?”

Davis looked into Ken’s eyes and saw a soul he wanted to heal. He felt the warmth beneath his palms and knew that it was a body covered in invisible scars. His heart was aching for this being, this body, and he could only satisfy his physical desires with him? What he wanted was to never let Ken out of his sight again – to sleep close, to watch him, just to begin catching him every time he fell so that maybe he could stop getting hurt. Davis felt a great sadness rise within him at the thought that he could not do that. Quietly, he chastised himself for being hasty. Of course Ken was scared. Davis was used to jumping headfirst into things but it had been a long time since someone had reminded him that sometimes, holding back was the most gentle way to make sure things came out the way they needed to. Ken was right. Of course he was right.

Davis lowered his eyes. His grip on Ken tightened. Agreeing to this was denying a piece of his personality that had grown rather strong in the past five years. It would take a lot of his self-control to act accordingly. Somewhere in his gut blossomed a feeling of fear that took root deep inside of him. “Ok,” he breathed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll try to back off.”

Ken studied Davis carefully with kind eyes. “I know this is hard for you.”

Nodding, Davis cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“I understand.” Ken climbed off of Davis’s lap. “I remember where the bathroom is, so I’ll give you a minute to think.”

Davis watched as Ken glided away. He’d never forget that girlish figure again. He shivered. The air in the room was cold without a body on his lap. Getting up, Davis went to the thermostat and turned off the air conditioning. The window squeaked as he threw it open. Leaning on the frame, he looked out into the city with his face haloed in his hands. “My God,” he whispered into the late afternoon sun. “You gave him back to me on a silver platter. Why are there still strings attached to his heart?”

A voice in his head pied up spitefully, saying: _Because that’s how love works between people. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems._ And Davis’s foreboding only grew worse.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m fucked up,” Ken said shortly. “He’s just sitting at home waiting for me and I’m here. I’m at my apartment. I’m walking the streets, looking at a new Tokyo I barely recognize, trying to remember.”

“Remember what?” The voice asked quizzically.

“Me!” Ken cried. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to be myself that I’ve forgotten who I was! When I moved, everything changed. I changed.”

Squeaking leather filled the sharp silence. The clock on the wall ticked incessantly. A sigh came from the voice. “Ken, you admit freely that you changed. Why do you want to go back to who you were at fourteen?”

“Because. I knew Davis then.”

“Well, he seems to like you a lot now. You certainly had a better reunion than you expected.”

Silent, Ken fingered the hem of his jacket. Goosebumps rippled up his arms at the memory of the previous week. “Yeah.” He said quietly. “But what if we spend too much time together and he figures out how much I’ve changed and he… doesn’t want me anymore?”

The voice shuffled a bit. “Did Davis change?”

“Yes. He’s tougher, and a lot more reserved… I’d never think of him as pensive, but he seems to be that way now. He’s also very good at school.”

“Do you begrudge him any of those changes?”

“Begrudge?”

“Are you angry with him for changing?” The voice reiterated.

“Not at all. He’s really grown up. I think I’m more attracted to him now than I ever was.” Ken leaned back, crossing his arms. “Even more than when I was dreaming of him all the time.”

“Did he like your long hair? Your new style?”

“He seemed to, yes.”

“There are a lot of signs of maturity,” the voice explained. “Personal grooming, thoughtfulness, and becoming serious about one’s education are all signs of someone maturing. Those are changes we all go through when we grow up.”

“It’s a lot of change for two people who have been involved in isolated infatuation spells for five years,” Ken muttered.

“Ken, infatuation is the rose-colored glasses your brain puts on when you see someone you like. Love is waiting five years to be with the person you love again, and then taking the first step towards a future with them. You’ve both done that. If you can see all of Davis’s new attributes as positive qualities of his maturity, don’t you think he might have the same frame of mind as you?” The voice spread its hands. “Don’t you think he might like the new you – even more than the fourteen-year-old you – simply because you’re both matured enough to have this relationship?”

“Oh.” Ken’s face pinched thoughtfully. “I can see it from that perspective.”

“That perspective might well be the only one Davis can see,” the voice offered. “You might both be worried about the changes you’ve gone through. But I can guarantee you Davis loves you exactly as you are now.”

“How?” Ken asked warily.

 “Davis is sitting at home, right?” The voice pointed a finger into the distance. “Who is he waiting for? Is he waiting for the old you - the boy from his memories - or the young man for whom he agreed to change? From what you told me, Davis wanted to jump back into your life the second he saw you. He isn’t here. He isn’t at your apartment. He isn’t sitting outside, waiting to take you home. So I’ll ask you again. Where is Davis now? And who do you think he’s waiting for?”

 

* * *

 

“Mom,” Davis said suddenly. “Ken is back.”

Over the sound of the TV and the steaming pots on the stove, Davis’s mother whirled at the sound of that name. Her dark eyes were wide. “Ken?” She repeated. “The one who disappeared?”

Davis nodded. He continued to chop vegetables and align them on a nice China plate. “He was in England. His parents took him away, but they let him pick where he wanted to go to college. So, he chose Tokyo.” Pausing to wipe his hands on his pink apron that read ‘Kiss the Cook’ he checked his phone for any messages from Ken. There were none.

“Is he ok? How does he look?”

“He looks great. He’s great, mom.”

His mother’s short brown hair was frizzy from all the steam in the kitchen, but she wore a nice blouse and her favorite jeans. A normal outfit for these quiet evenings they had together. Tonight Davis’s sister was out with her friends and they were alone. She put down her wooden spoon and looked at her youngest child cautiously. “Ken’s disappearance was very difficult for you. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m…” Davis fumbled with the knife a bit. He swore under his breath. “I’m fine.”

“Davis, honey, you don’t sound ‘fine.’”

“SHIT!”

“Davis what happened?!”

“Sorry, mom, I just cut my hand.” Davis went to the sink and washed his bleeding hand with cold water. He took his mother’s offered paper towel and sighed heavily. “I’m not ok,” he said quietly.

His mother put her hands over her heart. “Davis…”

“I still love him,” Davis managed. “And he loves me.”

“Then what is it? What’s wrong?” His mother demanded. “Why are you so upset, honey?”

Sighing, Davis bandaged his hand, staring at the wound vindictively. “He’s afraid that if we get too close too quickly, the relationship won’t end well. So we haven’t seen each other all week.”

His mother leaned on the counter and watched him fix up his hand. “But he just got back. You should be spending time together.”

“I know but he’s scared, mom.”

“Scared of a good relationship with his oldest best friend?”

“Scared of me,” Davis admitted. “Scared of us.”

“That’s a bit silly.”

“Mom!”

“Really!” Davis’s mom simmered, turning back to her pots. At least one of them was burning. “Ken never had any friends and you took him in! You were the only reason he _had_ any friends! He practically lived here for a while! And now he’s scared of you?”

“Yeah.” Davis sighed. The chatter of the TV filled some comfortable silence between them. His mother waited for him to speak, and he just stared at his fresh bandage. “I want to be with him so badly. Do you think that if I push him, he’ll end things?”

It was his mother’s turn to sigh. “Maybe, honey. But I don’t think you should invade his comfort zone just yet. Give him time.” She looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. “He’ll remember why you two were so close. It’ll be ok, Davis. I promise.”

“Yeah?” Davis stared at her with hopeful eyes. “Thanks, mom.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Davis was standing on the balcony after dinner, his phone rang. He whipped it out and answered it, leaning on the railing. “Hello?” He blurted.

“Davis?”

“Ken!” Davis’s heart leapt. “What’s up?”

“I want to talk. Can you come over?”

“Talk?” The cigarette between Davis’s fingers glowed red in the fading sunlight. He took a quick drag off of it, blowing the smoke out his nose. “Ok. Yeah, I can. When?”

Ken’s voice was hesitant and hopeful. “Tonight?”

Davis stared at his cigarette. “I…”

“It’s ok if you can’t - I’m sorry, I know it’s last-minute.”

“I can!” Davis silently swore. He knew he’d smell like smoke now, but he needed to see Ken. “Sorry. I can come. Give me an hour. If you text me your new address, I’ll be there.”

The line fuzzed as Ken sighed with relief. “Ok, thank you. I’ll do it right now. Bye, Davis. See you soon.”

“Bye, Ken.” Davis held his breath as he listened to Ken breathing on the other end of the line. After a second, he heard fingers fumbling for the button to end the call and his phone made a chime that told him he’d found it. Heaving a sigh, Davis put away his phone and covered his face with his free hand. In the other hand, his cigarette kept burning down, down… He lifted it to his lips and gave it a hard tug. His lungs filled with swirling smoke. His jittering heart calmed, and his worry faded at the edges.

He took another pull. Everything was going to be fine. He’d take a shower, brush his teeth, and go see Ken. He eyed his cigarette. He’d get cleaned up… in a minute.


	4. New Home

Davis knocked tentatively on the door. The apartment complex was really close to the ocean, so it had taken him a lot longer to get there than he’d planned – he was almost an hour late. Anxiously, he tugged at the collar of his shirt. In a rush he’d buttoned it all the way up because it was his only nice shirt, and he rarely wore it so he hadn’t known how tight it would be. With all his rushing he hadn’t thought to unbutton it. The shirt itself was stiff, denim, and way cleaner cut than he ever was. His jeans were only two shades darker so he felt pretty stupid walking around like a denim nightmare. Apparently, it was in style.

He shuffled his black sneakers, hands in his pockets. Where was Ken? Leaning to knock again, Davis hesitated. Maybe he’d fallen asleep? Maybe he’d left? Davis cursed himself. He was hot and flustered, and his anxiety wasn’t making things any easier. Cravings for another cigarette itched in his blood. He turned from the door and leaned his arms stiffly against the railing. This was really high up. He’d taken the elevator, but all those stairs… it was a building with eleven floors and Ken had to buy one at the top.

The wind helped clear Davis’s head. He paused to soak it in. _Everything’s ok,_ he told himself over and over. _I’m ok. This is ok._ He knocked again when he was ready, but still no response came from within.

“Davis?”

Jumping a foot in the air, Davis turned to see Ken coming at him with four grocery bags in hand. He was flushed, smiling, and wearing very fashionable white skinny jeans with rips in the knees and a soft gray sweater with the sleeves rolled up. His long dark hair was hanging over his shoulder, sleek and gleaming.

Davis blinked. “Ken? You went out?”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry!” Ken breathlessly fumbled for his keys. “I forgot that I have almost no food in my fridge, so right after you called I ran to the store. Have you been waiting all this time?”

“No,” Davis admitted shyly. “I actually just got here.”

“Perfect!” Ken unlocked the door and led the way inside.

“Shit,” Davis whispered as Ken flicked on the lights. Low ceilings, entire walls made of windows facing the ocean, modern fixtures, and comfy furniture decorated Ken’s apartment. It was minimalist, with lots of blue tones and barely anything in the tables or chairs. There was one blanket on the arm of the long couch and a big red pillow on the armchair. Davis eased out of his shoes and into a nice pair of blue satin slippers. “Shit!” He repeated under his voice.

Ken was watching his reaction. “Like it?” He asked. “The rooms are all small, but it’s ideal for me. I still had a lot of money left over from my career as a kid – and I was turning heads in England, too, so I put the money into practical use. It’s not as expensive as it looks.”

As Ken went about putting away groceries he was humming to himself. Davis stared at him as he sank into the armchair, pulling the red pillow into his lap. He was glad he dressed up. Despite being uncomfortable in this shirt he felt like he fit into this high quality scene; the beautiful college bachelor in his small beautiful apartment, with money he made himself, showing off his beautiful brains to the world. Only his ragged black sneakers at the door seemed out of place.

“So why did you want to see me so suddenly?” Davis asked. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“Right.” Ken passed him through the living room and turned the handle on one of the giant windows, pulling it open. It was secured with a bar and a screen but it made Davis queasy to see Ken standing near the edge of an open window that was level with the floor. Ken sighed into the fresh breeze. “I’ve been unfair to you, Davis,” he said as he turned to face him.

His cheeks were still red from rushing, his eyes as sharp as knives. They cut Davis’s heart into pieces – but he liked it. “W-What do you mean?” Davis stammered.

The white slippers Ken wore made a gentle scuffling sound as he crossed the hardwood floor and came to stand in the middle of the living room. “I thought about what you said. And I thought a lot about what happened. But…” He went and perched on the arm of the armchair, looking down at his hands. “I don’t think my decision was fair. At least not totally.”

Davis began to fiddle with his hand bandage, his mind running on overdrive. He adopted a grave tone to mask his joy. “Does that mean you’ve changed your mind?”

Ken bobbed his head, glancing at Davis. “I have.”

“Why?” Davis was suspicious. Anyone was prone to change their mind, but Ken had been right about their relationship. Why would he say differently now?

“I…” Ken’s movements were tense as he rubbed his thighs with slow, thoughtful motions. “Honestly? I spent this week being afraid. I was afraid of myself, of you, and I was afraid of what would happen to this relationship if we mess things up and toss all our gasoline on the fire at one time.” He leaned his elbows on his thighs. “But I realized that it was stupid to be afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet. Worried, sure, but not _afraid_ of it.”

Davis looked up at him inquisitively. His small flame of hope was flaring to life and it was setting off warning signs in his head. “Ok,” he said carefully.

Ken rubbed his head. “I’m not really making myself clear, so I’m sorry.” He got up and faced Davis timidly. “I… want to see you more. A lot more.”

“Seriously?” Davis blurted.

“Yes. Seriously. I’ve been avoiding you because I was afraid of hurting you and being hurt, but I can’t live like this.” He made a motion forward and Davis held out his arms, making room for Ken to sit in his lap. “I missed you. I had to live without you for five years. I’m tired of being alone, and I know you feel the same way.”

Davis savored the feeling of having a boy’s body on him again. He let his hands run along Ken’s thighs. “You have no idea,” he replied. “I thought it was my fault you didn’t see me. I… know I came on really strong.”

“Davis, I’m sorry,” Ken said sincerely. “It’s not your fault, not at all. I know what I need to do, but I’m just… afraid to. I need your help. I need to get over my fears so that we can be together, but I’m still reeling. I haven’t been in Tokyo for five years – I’ve barely spoken Japanese for five years! And now suddenly I live in Tokyo speaking my native language, in my new apartment with my new boyfriend?” Ken turned bright red. “I mean – not live, you know, with me, I-”

Davis turned scarlet. “You want me to move in?”

Dissolving into apologies, Ken began to mull through his excuses. “I mean, if you wanted we could, you know, after a while, because I don’t like living by myself but my parents didn’t want to come, and you could maybe live here if you wanted to, I mean you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to and, since we’re dating and everything, I thought… we were boyfriends…? Oh, God… I’m sorry…” He put a hand over his face, biting his lip. “I was going to, you know, ask you… later…”

Davis took Ken’s face in his hands and kissed his fingers. “Keep blushing, it looks cute on you,” he said.

Ken’s hand slowly lowered away from his pleading eyes to cover his mouth. “You’re not upset? I mean, because of the whip lash?”

Davis looked deep into Ken’s eyes. “You can’t whip lash me. I wanted to live with you to begin with. I honestly never wanted you out of my sight again – the past week was hell for me, Ken, and I won’t deny it. But if you want me to be here for you, I can be.” He paused. “But not… now. Ok?”

Ken looked shocked. “I thought you wanted to live here?”

“I do,” Davis admitted. “But you were right. We need to get re-acquainted before we jump into things. I don’t want to move in here and then we have a big fight, and… I just want us to get acclimated.”

“Is there anything you’re really worried about?”

“I just mean… we’re adults, we like our spaces. Maybe I can stay for the night now and then just so we can, you know, make dinner, sleep, shower… just live together for a bit to see how it works. If it doesn’t work, we can have space while we fix it. I don’t want to shove my life into yours and I know you don’t want that either,” Davis explained. “For example, what direction to you put the toilet paper roll?”

“Over, I’m not a monster,” Ken quipped.

“Ok, we agree there. What about your morning routine?”

“I’m ready in fifteen minutes. I shower at night.”

“See? I get up early and spend literally all morning in the shower.”

Ken started laughing, and Davis stared at him.

“What?”

“We haven’t even gone on a date yet and we’re going to move in together,” Ken giggled. He cozied up to Davis, wrapping his arms around his neck. Davis melted at his touch. They kissed lazily. “I can’t believe this is happening.” Ken said against Davis’s mouth. “I know we need to re-adjust, but I feel like we never lost touch.”

“It’s easy between us. You’re right. But… I need to tell you something.” Davis said sadly.

“What is it? Are you ok?”

“Yes, it’s just… if we’re gonna live together, I can’t really keep this a secret…”

“Secret?”

Davis took a deep breath. “I smoke.”

Ken sat back. His face was suddenly ashen. “What?”

Davis winced. “Yeah.” His face twisted up guiltily and he looked away. “I haven’t told anybody. I just started two months ago.”

Soft pale hands touched Davis’s chest. “Why, Davis?” Ken asked gently. 

That patient, motherly look was making Davis nervous. He hadn’t realized Ken wouldn’t yell at him for smoking. This was much worse. Introspection was required to answer that question. “I…” He groaned. “I don’t know. I’ve been really worried about my future lately, about everything I need to do, you know, get married, have kids, get a job, buy my own car, and… I feel trapped in a rut. I don’t have any of those things, you know? Just class and some friends and a little money. It feels like nothing. So… I’ve just been feeling a lot of anxiety about it.” He shut his eyes; suddenly he was so tired. “…I guess I just couldn’t cope.”

Warm lips touched his cheek, sending his sparks of pleasure skittering all throughout his body. Davis barely caught his breath. “It’s ok,” he heard Ken say finally. “You’re allowed to feel anxious. You’re allowed to do what you want with your body, and your life. I’m not judging you. Look at me.” Davis obeyed, squinting at him nervously. Ken gave him a kind smile. “It’s ok, Davis. Everything’s ok. You’re ok.”

 _Everything’s ok,_ Davis’s head echoed. _It’s ok. I’m ok._ He wrapped Ken in a crushingly tight hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled, his lips to Ken’s ear. “I… I’m glad I could tell you. I’ve been too scared to tell anyone, even my dad, because...”

“I know. You’re an adult, you don’t need anyone yelling at you and making you feel even worse. I’m sorry you feel the need to smoke,” Ken comforted, squeezing him. “I’m going to help you feel better in any way that I can.”

“God,” Davis whispered hoarsely. “I missed you so much… Jesus, Ken… five years - why did you have to go away for _five years_ …?”

“Davis…” Ken pleaded. He was barely holding himself together.

“Ken, I love you, ok? Don’t go. This time don’t… don’t leave again…” Davis pleaded.

Sobs built up in his chest until he couldn’t breathe. He’d been keeping them bottled up for so long that he had to let them go, one by one, until he was crying like a kid and couldn’t stop to catch his breath. Five years of pain and loneliness spilled right out of him like a broken dam. Ken broke down soon after. When Davis started to cry, he was silently sobbing right along with him, forcing himself not to cry loudly. They held each other, burying their faces in the other’s shoulders as they wept, comforted only by their close proximity.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Ken blubbered “I did this to you, it’s my fault-”

“No!” Davis force himself to breathe. “It’s not your… fault, you… you didn’t do this.”

“But-” Ken cried.

“No.” Davis took a few deep breaths to get himself under control. Letting his tears out washed his soul clean of all the weight of his sadness, but his body wanted to just keep sobbing. He let a few more out before gathering himself together. “Shit. Look at me.” Laughing, he wiped his nose on his sleeve. “Ken, listen to me. I don’t mean to blame you. I know you didn’t want to leave. Please don’t think I blame you, because I don’t. I’ve just… I’ve been thinking it for so long and it hurt so much that it’s going to take me a while to let it go. I know it’s not fair to you, but… there’s nothing I can do except let it out.”

“Yeah,” Ken replied miserably. “I get it.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Davis whispered. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and tenderly helped Ken clean up.

“All I wanted was to be back home with you…” Ken sniffled. He leaned into Davis.

 “You came back. To me. To us. You’re home now.” Davis kissed him and tasted salty tears. “Don’t blame yourself.”

Ken kissed Davis fiercely through his tears, grabbing handfuls of his denim shirt. His mouth was hard and wet, his body coming to life as he sank his teeth into Davis’s bottom lip. Davis gasped at the sudden pain but stirrings in his pelvis distracted him as Ken continued kissing him and rolling his body on Davis’s. The compelling lust swamped Davis’s thoughts. He slid his fingers into Ken’s hair, working out the hair band and letting it drop to the floor, feeling a spark as Ken’s fingers began to work at the buttons of his shirt.


	5. Secrets

Pulling Davis’s shirt open, Ken pressed his hands to Davis’s breast, running over the soft hairs blossoming in the center and the warm belly beneath. “You don’t play soccer anymore?” Ken teased. “You used to be thin and rock solid.”

“I play sometimes with some locals, but they’re no good,” Davis laughed. “Not much of a challenge for somebody on my level.” He worked Ken’s gray sweater over his head and tossed it. Davis’s eyes and hands had a lot to work with; Ken’s shoulders were broader now, and he had a nice pale chest with two wide red nipples. “I’ve never seen you without a shirt on,” Davis remarked with surprise. “I need a minute to admire this.”

“You should get a soccer scholarship. You’d get free school and be able to play on the national level. You could… You…” Ken moaned as Davis began to suck on his neck, which had only recently recovered from last time. “Davis…!”

“Shhh,” Davis coaxed, bending his head to lick Ken’s nipple. “No more about school. Tell me what you like.”

Ken hooked his fingers in Davis’s belt, looking dizzy. “This. I like this,” he moaned.

With a teasing growl, Davis licked the new dark marks he’d made. He shoved his hands down Ken’s pants, grabbing his ass. “Ever had anything in here?”

“Nothing real,” Ken gasped.

“Good answer.” Davis nipped at Ken’s earlobe. “Take them off.”

“W-What? Now?”

Davis shrugged. “I’m still hard from last time if you’re interested. If not… I really wanna see your cock again.”

“Davis, you’re making me dizzy…” Ken kissed him, hard. “Ok. I’ll take them off.” He stood up and the pressure off Davis’s cock made him gasp. “Are you ok?” Ken cried.

Davis held up his hands as the stars cleared from his eyes. “Better than ok.” He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down the zipper. “I’m gonna need you over here pretty soon.”

“Right, right.” Ken neatly took off his pants and underwear, tossing them over the couch. He stood naked and blushing for a minute before Davis took him by the hips and brought him in close enough to kiss his belly, zig-zagged with stretch marks. They accented his wider hips and soft waist. “I grew pretty rapidly,” Ken confessed. “I try to keep them covered up.”

“You’re beautiful, Ken. Every inch of you.” Davis sat back, drawing Ken’s eye to the long hard cock sprouting from his fly. He shook it loosely with one hand, his swollen balls lying patiently in the bunch of his boxers. “Now get over here.”

Ken’s blue eyes clouded over with hunger. He went silent, climbing onto Davis’s lap and spreading his legs. His cock rubbed Davis’s stomach as he arched his back for a kiss. Locking lips, they moved together as Davis worked Ken open with one finger.

“You’re so tight,” Davis purred. “Go easy on me, baby.”

He got no reply, only shallow breathing as Ken forced himself to relax.

“Good… good… tell me how it feels now.” Davis tried again, and Ken gave a sharp cry of pleasure. “Ok, perfect. Are you ready?”

He waited for Ken to nod three times before he took his hips and maneuvered him into place. In one hand he had Ken’s ass, in the other hand was the head of his cock. With a hot naked boy on his lap Davis was already leaking. His heart pounded. He pressed the wet tip in just the right place and Ken popped opened up for him like a spring tulip. With a gasp, it was in. Davis released a long grunt of satisfaction as warm hot walls sucked up his member, squeezing it from every side. He began to gently pump in and out, afraid to go too hard or too fast. Pussies were always wet and clumsy, and he always felt like they were made for other cocks and not his, but he’d tried anal with girls before. It was pretty similar. Still, he’d never been inside a boy before. It was much hotter than he’d imagined. Ken’s breath was out coming hot and steamy, and his hands were gripping Davis’s shoulders to anchor him in place. He was writhing against him, making small unhinged noises that sounded halfway like words. The fate of Ken’s climax depended totally on Davis and that thought seriously turned him on.

Davis could feel Ken’s unattended cock rubbing against his stomach; it began to leak as his body got into a steady grinding rhythm, eager to cum at the slightest touch, and he wanted so badly to suck it. But more than that, right now he wanted to cum as deep inside of Ken as possible. The deeper Davis sank into Ken the tighter it was and the more pleasure he felt bursting through his most sensitive organ. His fucking got faster and more sporadic as his pleasure intensified.

Ken rocked religiously into his thrusts and his silence finally gave way to cries of surprise and ecstasy as Davis got deeper and deeper, and Davis could tell he was hitting all of his most sensitive places - even little spots Ken hadn’t even known existed - by his jolting, pleased reactions.

“Davis,” Ken cried. “Deeper!”

Davis gave one good hard thrust that pushed him all the way in to hilt and made both of them gasp. “Christ,” Davis moaned. “Ken, you’re so tight…”

“Oh, _daddy,_ ” Ken groaned, grinding him a little harder. “ _Fuck!_ ”

Grabbing Ken’s hips and forcing himself in as deep as he could get, Davis began hitting all Ken’s little spots over and over with his hot red member. _Why was that so sexy?_ Davis thought briefly. Ken’s cry sparked the tickle of climax gathering in his balls.

“Cum for me,” Davis breathed. “Come on, Ken, cum for me!”

He felt the walls around his cock squeezing tighter - Ken was going to cum all right, and he was right behind him. Everything fell away. There was nothing. No couch, no apartment, and no ragged shoes at the door, not even the armchair they fucked on existed anymore. There was only Davis’s cock and Ken’s burning, writhing insides milking it until neither one could take it anymore. Ken came first. He dissolved into loud groans and childish gibberish as his g-spot sparked a chemical reaction that spread throughout his entire body, rocking it with adrenaline and ecstasy. His cock squirted hot white cum onto Davis’s bare belly as his insides convulsed and throbbed. To make the orgasm better he rode hard on Davis’s cock, which then ejaculated deep inside of him - making the boy attached to the member stiffen for a split second, and then go limp under the crashing wave of orgasm.

They collapsed into a pile on the armchair. A hush fell permeated only by ragged breathing and low, quiet moans. Both bodies began to settle down, humming happily after being very sexually satisfied, and gently they separated. Davis’s cock was limp and exhausted. He heaved a sigh of gratification, running his fingers through Ken’s long tangled hair. He gently replaced his genitals into his boxers with his other hand and looked down at himself. His whole pelvic area was wet with cum and both of them were coated in sweat.

“Davis, I’ll never walk again.” Ken gingerly sat up. “If I get to feel like this, I think I’d rather buy a wheelchair than never have sex again.” He gave Davis a quick kiss. “Help me get up - we can go take a shower.”

“I’ll pick up a wheelchair next time.” Davis struggled to his feet with Ken in tow. Suddenly he turned to him, his legs wobbling like jelly and his knees shaking. “Did you call me ‘daddy’?” He blurted. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. Why am I only hearing it now?”

“I don’t know,” Ken admitted, blushing. “I just accidentally said it. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

Davis eyes him as they gathered their clothes and headed to the small washing machine on the counter. He peeled off his soiled underwear and jeans. “You have sex dreams where you call me daddy, don’t you?”

“SHUT UP!”

Ken dumped in their clothing into the small machine with a packet of detergent and slammed it shut, storming away in humiliation. Davis tailed him into the bathroom. When Ken reached up for two towels from the closet, Davis wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck. “I like it,” he grinned. “Say it again.”

“No way!” Ken protested, red-faced. Throwing aside the towels, he turned and proceeded to make out with Davis. Apparently he couldn’t resist the pull of their naked bodies pressed together like this.

“Come on, baby,” Davis urged.

“No!” Ken grumbled, kissing him fervently. He gasped as Davis attacked his neck again. The sucking sent waves of fresh lust rippling through his groin. “Daddy, _ah_ … _!_ ” He whimpered helplessly and crumpled into Davis’s arms like a rag doll. “You slick son of a-”

Davis sank his tongue into Ken’s mouth, silencing and satisfying him. They stood naked in the bathroom French kissing for a long time. The sun had gone down long ago and the city did not provide enough light so soon they were kissing in the dark. Ken leaned over and switched on the lights, flooding the room with brilliant white florescence. “Shower,” he ordered.

The hot stream of water poured over their heads in the narrow shower box. Davis admired the nice frosted glass walls, running his hands over them as they gathered condensation. “So…” He laughed as Ken’s strong fingertips massaged shampoo into his hair. “How about I stay the night? Just to start with?”

Ken pulled Davis by the hair into the stream and covered his eyes from the stream. “If you want to, you can stay. There’s always room in my bed for you,” Ken said in his ear. He put his arms around Davis, his palms pressing over each breast, and kissed his neck in the stream. Davis’s breath hitched as Ken fingered his nipples. He turned in Ken’s arms, pinning him to the shower wall out of the stream where it was freezing cold.

“I want you to tell me everything about England. Right now.”

“A-Alright. Well…” Ken made a face. “I started out in high school, knowing no English, and it took me a year and three outside classes to get caught up. It was really embarrassing for me. Everyone knew who I was, so that made it even worse. I never got any peace.” He pushed Davis back into the water stream, body to body. “I had to learn how to defend myself, which wasn’t as hard as it sounds. Boys all have one weakness. So I played on it.”

“Yeah?” Davis prodded.

Nodding, Ken put Davis’s hands around his waist and began to shampoo his own hair. “They were scared of me.”

“Because you…?”

Ken laughed. “I threatened to have sex with them!”

“YOU WHAT?!”

 “In my defense, it was only in jest and they were harassing me. Endlessly.” Ken shrugged. “Besides, I just threatened to have a nice time with them and their genitals. No one said anything about non-con.”

“Ken,” Davis cackled. “That’s genius.”

“Sadly, none ever took me up on their offer. I got one through a handy but he chickened out at the last minute and ditched school. He’s probably gay now.”

Davis convulsed with laughter. “Evil! Pure evil!”

Ken grinned proudly. “When they started spreading rumors, I got all the ladies. I like girls and boys, but the gay and bi boys were all hiding in the closet despite my siren call. So I just had nice female companionship for four years. I thought two of them were gonna stick around but in the end, all I could think about was you. They could feel that from me. So we decided to end it.”

“I ended both of your serious relationships?” Davis asked in amazement.

“Yeah, you did,” Ken confessed. “But I’m glad I didn’t find other boys. It would have broken their little hearts. Girls are a lot more resilient – I had no idea how much they got dumped on until I dated one.” He paused. “Davis… do you actually like girls?”

Davis stiffened. His mouth was set in a hard line. “Why?”

Their eyes locked. Ken pushed the remaining soap off his body and shut off the water. Taking a deep breath, he slowly released it into the air between them. “I’m not judging you, Davis,” he said somberly. “Things have changed with you. I know that. I just want to let you know that if you did something you regret – things we all do sometimes – that it’s in the past. I’m just worried about you.”

Davis was still giving him a mean look that chilled Ken inside. He’d never seen Davis look like a coiled up snake before. Suddenly Davis swung open the shower door, stepping across the bathroom to their towels. He grabbed one and started vigorously drying himself.

Ken held up his hands. “Look, I’m sorry. Forget that I asked. It’s none of my business – I know that.”

“No, it isn’t any of your business,” Davis snapped. “But no. I don’t. Sorry that I couldn’t cope like you could.” He vanished into the living room.

“Shit…” Ken grabbed his towel and wrapped it around himself on his way out the door. “Davis, wait!”


	6. A Pact

Davis was in the middle of the room when he turned on his heel, baring his fangs at Ken. “What?” He snarled.

Ken stood his ground. “No one blames you for what you did, Davis. Especially not me. You’re angry about things and I know that, but you will _not_ take it out on me. Do you understand?” His words were cold and sharp. “I’m here trying to know you exactly as you are, no secrets. I’m not compiling a check list of who did what better and you shouldn’t be doing that either! It’s not worth it.”

Davis groaned angrily and flung his hands. “That’s so easy for you!” He strained, forcing himself not to shout. He pushed down his anger. “Look at all this! Your new house, new clothes, all your stories about money and prep school...!”

He sank onto the couch with his head in his hands. “Everything just seems so easy for you,” he whispered. “I can’t even hold my simple life together. It’s coming apart at the seams, leaking smoke and anxiety, and yet… here you are, with your life tailored like a nice suit…”

“Davis…” Ken sat beside him on the couch. “You did everything you could. Your life is entirely yours, and no one else’s. No one made you a soccer champion. No one gave you tons of friends. And no one made you save the world, Davis,” he urged. “You’re a hero! After what happened, normal life seems to be crawling away from you but it’s not! Nothing is happening because it’s not time for it yet!” Ken grabbed his shoulder and Davis’s head snapped up to look at him. “If you felt like you needed to be with somebody and you wanted to try to be with girls, that’s not a crime! It’s not your fault that you couldn’t find a boyfriend! It just happened, ok?”

“Yeah, but I do it a lot,” Davis exclaimed. “I wanted to feel something, but I just-”

“STOP IT!” Ken cried curtly. “You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself! Not everybody has the freedom to choose who they like! I’m bisexual – you’re homosexual. No one made those choices. We were born this way, Davis. You can’t force it.”

Davis let out a deep breath and all the tension drained away. “Ken, I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize that I was such a mess. God, I had no idea…”

Ken smacked him on the back. “You don’t open up to anyone! You pile up all of these internalized problems and make them so much bigger than they really are.”

“It doesn’t make what I did any better,” Davis shot back.

“Tell me what you did. I’ll tell you if it does or not.”

Davis spread his hands. “I… had sex with girls. A lot of sex.”

Ken gave him a look. “Go on.”

“Ok, fine.” Running his hands through his damp hair, Davis braided his fingers over the back of his neck and sighed. “I had a lot of girlfriends - at the same time. I wasn’t feeling anything for them unless they were with me, and I didn’t like being alone, so I spent the summer before college cheating on a lot of really nice girls.” He shut his eyes. “I don’t know how I do it.”

“Wait.” Ken wavered. “Like you still do it? Like you’re dating them now?”

Davis didn’t answer. He was holding his breath.

“How… how many girls are you with right now?”

Still nothing.

“How many?!” Ken demanded.

“Four,” Davis croaked.

Ken got up and walked away. “Christ…” He went to the window, staring out at the glistening Tokyo night. “Four girls. Well, then - keep going. Don’t stop now.”

Davis stared at the floor. “I’d just take them on dates separately, and the dates almost always ended in sex. But they’d get busy. They wouldn’t come over. Then I’d get this awful feeling deep inside me and I’d just need… someone. Only when I have sex can I feel something. So I’d go out and find another girl. Then another one. And pretty soon I was going out with one and getting sucked off in the back seat of her car, but I wouldn’t go home afterwards. I’d walk to another girl’s house and she’d fuck me for hours. And I’d spend the night, walk home, and wait until my mom left in the morning to invite over another girl to have sex with.

“Suddenly college was about to start and I was up to my ears in girls I didn’t love, and I wasn’t ready. I tried to get out and made a few stupid mistakes. Next thing I knew, they were all in contact. My phone exploded with all these horrible threatening messages. My social media accounts were flooded with friends of friends of friends all bombarding me. I had to delete everything. I even had to get a new phone number.

“They made my life a living hell for months – after that, I mostly quit doing it. I kept my head down and studied. There was a lot of drama with the girls I’d gone through, and to this day most of them still have a personal vendetta against me.” Slowly he sat back against the couch, arms crossed against the chill. “Then… to top it all off, I got sick for a while.”

“You caught…?”

“I’m clean now. I get tested every week. And the girls I’m with right now? We don’t have sex.”

“But you said you only wanted sex?”

“I do. I’m denying myself to make up for what I did.” Davis hesitated. “What little money I have I spend on them. They’re happy. Sometimes I give in, though; I don’t want to stop a girl from sucking me off, so I just don’t. But I know it’s wrong and that I don’t deserve it. I know it’s horrible. I’m a horrible person.” He waved his hand. “So now it’s your turn. Try and tell me what I did is fine. I’m listening.”

Ken slowly walked back over to Davis. “How long has it been since you had sex with someone else?”

“Two months.”

“That explains the cigarettes.”

“Yes, it does.”

“And I’m the only boy you’ve been with?”

“I sucked off some asshole a while ago because I was getting desperate, but I haven’t heard from him since and I never want to see him again. You’re the only one I’ve had real sex with.”

“Ok. Do you still feel the need to be with other people?”

“No. I haven’t spoken to any of the girls all week.” Davis picked his phone up off the table and offered it to him. “Look. It’s not password protected anymore. Any time you want, you can look through my messages.”

“Those poor girls…” Ken took the phone and stared at it. “I can’t believe you’re dating five people. You were so desperate to see me again – was it because of sex?”

“No!” Davis squeaked. “God, no! I’ve missed you since you left because I love you! I thought I’d have to live the rest of my life like this – never having a boy in my life, always using girls like some asshole… I am an asshole, though…”

“Ok.” Ken took a deep breath.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I was going to ask you that,” Ken grumbled.

“I’ll take my stuff and I’ll leave your house,” Davis began seriously. “I’ll call each of the girls and dump them. Gently. I’ll… I’ll quit smoking. I’ll show you my STI tests to prove that I’m clean. And then whenever you feel like you can stand to look at me again, I’ll come over, and I’ll do only what you tell me – I’ll worship the ground you walk on if you want me to. And if you’ll let me…” His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Let you do what?” Ken asked quietly.

“If you let me, I’ll love you just like that for the rest of my life,” Davis finished. “I swear to God I will.”

“Stop talking.”

Davis fell silent. His face was ashen.

Taking a few deep breaths, Ken sank to sit on the coffee table with his towel wrapped tightly around him. A distant look came into his eyes. His gaze looked passed the floor into somewhere far away, searching for an answer that would not come.

Doing nothing, saying nothing, Davis’s eyes glued onto Ken’s face and the rest of him stiffened until he felt as still as marble. His pulse was skittering around in his veins. No matter what he tried to think of to say, nothing seemed good enough. He’d never be able to make this up to Ken. Not ever.

Ken put out a supporting hand and touched Davis’s chest. “Repeat after me. Everything is ok. I’m ok.”

“W-What?”

“Everything is ok,” Ken said slowly. “I’m ok.”

Davis took a shaky breath. “Everything is ok,” he managed. “I’m ok.”

“Everything’s ok.” Ken repeated.

“Everything’s ok.”

“I’m ok.” Ken said placidly.

“I’m… ok.” Davis released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Are you sure about this? About us?”

“Yes. You’re in a lot of pain right now, and I want it to end.” Ken moved his hand to Davis’s face. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you will stop this self-destructive behavior.”

Davis dropped his eyes. “I…”

“Look at me. I’m right here. I’m real.” Ken took Davis’s face in both hands. “I will fill all the lonely spaces in your life with love, and you will never feel lonely again. But if you don’t want to get better, you will never get better. You said you’d take those steps to be with me. Were you serious?”

“Yes!”

“Swear it to me, right now. Swear you’ll get better.”

“Ok. Ok.” Davis stilled the pounding of his heart. He shut his eyes. All the conflicting thoughts in his head swirled away as he focused only on the warmth of Ken’s hands. He was ready. His eyes were as strong as steel when they reopened. “Ken, I swear that I will do absolutely everything I can to get better. For us. For you.”

“Good boy.” Ken released him and put the phone into his hands. “You know what you need to do.”

Davis opened the phone with a swipe and immediately clicked on a contact. He put it to his ear as it rang, his other hand on Ken’s knee. “Hey, Denise! Can you talk right now? Yeah, I can wait.” A pause. Davis heard the girl on the other line close her front door. “Now? Ok. Look, I have something to tell you… No, it’s not good news. Sorry. Denise… No, I can’t come over… I don’t want to date anymore. What? No, wait, don’t cry. Don’t cry... Denise, listen to me, please. You weren’t the only girl I was seeing.” He held the phone away from his head as she started screaming. “Denise! Denise, listen to me. It’s not your fault. I know, I’m an asshole. No, it wasn’t sex. I was in a bad place and I shouldn’t have done it. I owed you the truth. Yes, I’m disgusting. Yes, I’ll never call you again. I understand. No, you can have it. Sure. Burn it, sure. Ok. Goodbye, Denise.” He waited for her to hang up before looking up at Ken. “One down.”

“Good job.” Ken held up three fingers. “Next.”


	7. Morning Blues

Davis turned over, relieving pressure on his side by sprawling out onto his back. The bed was huge and comfortable. He’d never had this much breathing room before. As his foggy mind drew out of sleep, he traced the patterns subtly painted on the ceiling without recognizing them. Wait, where was he? A stab of panic penetrated his heart.

“Mmm,” came a soft noise.  

Davis craned his neck and spotted Ken asleep beside him. He was curled up in a cocoon against the wall, making small noises as he dreamed. The air suddenly seemed warmer at the sight of him. The bed didn’t even squeak as Davis slid over, clumsy in the early hours of the morning. He pressed his nose against Ken’s bare shoulder and slid his hands around Ken’s waist. Their skin met in tiny sensations of heat melting together. Davis grabbed a pillow from behind him and got in as close as he could against Ken before closing his eyes to drop back to sleep. There was someone close to him, someone he loved, and he felt both the protector and the protected.

The movement woke Ken from his dreaming. He wiggled a little but soon he was placidly still, his breathing even and a smile on his lips. Sunday morning floated by. Rising from behind the building, the sun cast a glow on the ocean that slowly lit up the room like gradient lighting that kissed the furniture and drew its long fingers over the sleeping boys. It seemed no one else in the city was eager to wake either. There were only venders in the streets and very old men arguing with them over fish prices, squinting through their glasses the early morning sunshine and clutching their sleepy grandchildren by the hand.

After a while, Ken woke again. He loosened Davis’s hands and turned to face him, pressing his cheek against Davis’s bare chest. His hands reached up to massage Davis’s back.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Davis mumbled, smiling. His eyes cracked open so he could look down at his cute lover. “Are you going to eat that?”

“Hm…? Eat what?” Ken grumbled.

Davis leaned down and began to drag his teeth lightly over Ken’s neck.

“Oohhhh…” Ken gasped. “Davis… It’s too early…”

Gently, Davis sank in his teeth, choosing a tender spot to tease. Ken writhed. Davis pushed their bodies together seductively as he began to drag his tongue along the bite, sucking on it with urgent hunger. The more he worked the more Ken dissolved until he was helpless and limp. Davis’s lips worked their way down Ken’s body bit by bit, leaving a kiss here, a bite mark there until he could suck on one of his hardened nipples. He rubbed the stiff tip with his tongue. Ken’s fingers sank into his hair and sleepy moans spilled out of him. Davis abandoned the nipple, moving ever further down, licking as much of Ken’s belly as he could reach. He reached the soft hips zig-zagged with scars and spent extra time kissing each from top to bottom. “I really love these,” Davis said in a low voice. “They’re like scars from a war with yourself. Plus, look at how they glimmer…” He lightly ran his fingertips over them. In the morning light they shimmered.

Then, he bent his neck and took the waistband of Ken’s underwear between his teeth.

“Go easy,” Ken pleaded. “I’m not even awake yet.”

“Not a chance.” Davis grinned as he slipped the underwear down around Ken’s ankles and pushed his nose against his stiffened genitals. “Smells tasty.”

“Davis… please… ah!” Ken cried out as Davis took him into his mouth. Davis’s fingers rubbed the tight balls beneath, gently sucking his entire length. Ken’s protests came out broken and they were punctuated by moans as he pushed on the back of Davis’s head, forcing himself in deeper. His knees fell open. His ankles were tangled by his underwear and Davis took full advantage of his helpless state. Intimate, wet sucking teased the most amazing noises out of Ken; Davis went in deep, and he gasped; Davis licked his length, and he moaned; Davis hovered around the tip, and he gave a needy groan. And the tighter Davis got, the louder the noises grew.

“Daddy, harder,” Ken begged.

Obeying eagerly, Davis put extra force into his blows, Ken’s grip on his hair forcing him harder and deeper than he’d expected. He had to hold on like that for a long time. His own cock strained in his pants. When he first blew a guy it was messy and unfeeling. This time he could savor the taste, the noises… the feeling. Strict focus reigned in his wandering mind as he forced himself to remember to keep his lips tight, his teeth well away, and his throat open. Suddenly Ken’s hips bucked and Davis braced himself. Not a moment later, a hot sticky mess shot into his throat. Davis swallowed and held his breath while he waited for Ken’s writhing to ease into the exhausted stillness which inevitably followed.

When he felt Ken’s hand slip out of his hair, he knew he was satisfied. Letting his member slip between his lips, wet and worn out, Davis felt a pang of regret. This was where he wanted to always be; waist high, hungry, and ready. He raised his head and wiped his mouth.

“You ok?” Ken asked immediately. “I didn’t drown you?”

“Not a chance,” Davis replied softly, moving up to lay with him. “Later when you want more, just call me over and put me on my knees.”

“Jesus,” Ken whispered, tangling himself around Davis. “How long have you been like this? I should’ve dropped out of school and come home years ago.”

“For me?”

“Of course! You’re so good in bed - are you sure you’ve never been with boys?”

“Definitely.” Davis hid himself in Ken’s hair. “I’ve just wanted to for _so long_ …”

“Me, too…” Ken kissed Davis’s cheek. “Davis, I’m sorry we lost so much time.”

“No more apologies. Please. I’m so tired of being sad – I want to be happy,” Davis replied softly. “And right now, I’m so happy with you. All the bad things in my life are melting away and I don’t ever want them back. I’d let everything go if I could keep you like this forever.”

Ken smiled. “No more bad shit from here on out. I’m here now, so I want you to know that you can always count on me, ok? Rain or shine, hell or high water – if you ever need somebody, I’ve got your back.”

Davis held on a little tighter. “Same here, buddy. Anyone gives you hell, I’ll end them.”

A high-pitched ringtone began to cry out from the other room. Ken groaned. “That’s my mother.”

“Can you call her back later?” Davis begged.

“No! She’ll freak out!” Ken made a big deal about getting up and staggered into the living room. Davis heard him drop his phone. “Shit!” He swore. “Mom? Hello?”

Slowly, Davis sat up. Out the window the ocean waved at him from between the low-lying buildings around them and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the water and blue horizon melting into one. He was still staring out the window when Ken returned.

“Yes, he’s here. He came to visit. Yes, you can.” Ken held out the phone as he sank onto the bed. “My mom wants to talk to you. Don’t mention… this.”

Davis slid him a look before putting the phone to his ear. “Hey Mrs. Ichijouji, it’s Davis! Yeah, I’m still in Tokyo. Yeah, she’s great thanks! My sister just graduated college. No, dad’s gone. He passed away four years ago.” A pause. Beside him, Ken paled. “Thank you, I appreciate it. It’s ok. We’re ok. Yes, thank you, I will. Ken’s place is really great, you should see it. Nice ocean view. Ok. Ok. Good to hear from you too. Thank you! Goodbye!” Davis handed Ken back the phone.

When Ken put the phone to his ear, his mother hung up. The gentle bell sounded in his ear and he sat very still for a few seconds. His eyes fixated on the bed. Slowly, slowly, he put down the phone. “… Your dad died?”

“Yeah.” Davis rubbed sleep from his eyes. “Car accident.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Davis?”

“I’ve had a while to cope with what happened but I’m not… over it. So, I don’t like bringing it up.”

“I’m-”

“No more apologies!” Davis snapped. “It’s me. It’s not you, Ken. I’m not in the right place. I’m so sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself - I want it to be over! Can we… can we not talk about it?” He implored. “Please?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Ken replied avidly. “I get it. Subject dropped. I love you and I’m here for you when you’re ready, ok?” Davis nodded. He reached out and grabbed Ken’s shoulder, shaking it gently. Ken returned the gesture. “No more, ok? Look – I need to get reacquainted with the city. There are so many places that have closed and so many new places that I’m lost. Take me on a tour?”

Davis rubbed his eyes. “Right, ok. I can do that.” He managed a grin. “When do we leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit busy this week, so this chapter is shorter (I'm studying abroad in Russia and its international students week). I'll do as much as I can to keep up.


	8. New Steps

“So… do you think I made the wrong choice?” Ken asked quietly. He pulled his hair over his shoulder and began to slowly weave it into a thick braid, his eyes downcast. Methodical fingers worked over the wave of black silk.

“By forgiving him?”

“Yes. He’s done a lot.”

“My previous comment still stands,” the voice replied. “Davis loves you. He’s turned his life inside out and shaken out the things he’d been keeping bottled up inside for five years. And he’d shedding his thick skin, and all the comfort that came with it. Davis isn’t doing this for himself, but for the Davis he wants to be in the future - your Davis.”

Ken smiled to himself. “Yeah. I know.” He sighed. “But he… he smokes… he took advantage of all those girls! What if he does something else he hasn’t told me about? What if he cheats on me, too? Would it be my fault for trusting a serial cheater?”

“No, it would be his fault for throwing away the solution to both of your problems – your mutual salvation.” The voice shifted a little. “Listen to me, Ken… You’ve grown up quite a lot over the years. You know people a little better. I think you’ve handled things in a very logical and caring way and that’s not what most people would have done in your shoes. If I were you, I’d give myself some credit. Let your instincts make some choices.”

“How?”

“Well, after Davis told you about the girls, what did you do?”

“I made him break up with them…” Ken winced. “Poor girls.”

“You made him cut off a part of himself he’d been using to self-harm. Several parts, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Four girlfriends.”

“Four tumors on his emotional state,” the voice corrected.

“True.” Ken sat back, delicately holding his braid.

“And what did you do after he got angry with you?”

Ken looked up. “I stood up for myself, told him the truth, and we resolved things.”

“Excellent. You have good moral instincts, Ken.” The voice said. “Follow them.

 

* * *

 

Davis knelt on the floor, reaching to retrieve his pencil. He strained his arm just a little further back behind the desk and just as he grasped the pencil he lost his balance, bashing his face into the floor. “Shit!” He groaned, rubbing his nose as he dragged himself back into his chair. He’d been here for hours poring over his psychology notes. He already had a massive headache, back cramps, and seriously had to pee. Now his face was in agony. Throwing his pencil onto the notebook, he got up and walked away from the desk.

The bathroom door banged closed behind him. He lazily unzipped his fly and worked out his member, his mind wandering. It had been almost a month since Ken had been back. They’d been seeing each other every other day to tour the city and talk about things, trading houses to hang out in or just spending all day in an old café they loved. Their tastes in food were almost identical. Ken was determined to help Davis get a better fashion sense. But their stronger opinions were beginning to clash, finally revealed as the couple got more comfortable together. They thought different things about politics, music, and religion, and yet for them it was more fun than it was a hindrance. Debating religion with Ken was always a lesson in philosophy or history, and Davis has way more music in his iTunes than Ken had ever imagined existed. Honestly they were as happy as a pair of plants, content to water and culture one another until they were both rich and filled to the brim of the pot.

And at the end of the day, the sunset always brought Davis so much hope. Maybe this time Ken would invite him over again and he could meticulously spoil him all night. Maybe this time he could make Ken dinner so he could fall asleep on the couch with him watching a movie. Maybe they could go sit by the river tonight, just enjoying the quiet.

Davis replaced his genitals, flushed the toilet, and washed his hands. The man in the mirror looked back at him with eyes full of stars. Shyly, he looked away and left for the kitchen. So far Ken had been frugal with his nights over. Sometimes he needed his own space to do school paperwork – both of them did – and sometimes he was just overwhelmed by all the changes in his life and he needed to recuperate on his own. But when he was ready to have a bedbug, those nights were spectacular.

Davis swallowed a peach in one bite and spit the core into the garbage. Then, easing back down at his desk, he stared down at his notebook. His sister had been in her room all morning getting ready to go out with her friends. Her door opened with a bang and she ran into the living room. Davis heard her gathering her things and rooting around in her purse for her keys, muttering to herself about whatever plans she had for the day.

“Davis,” she called. “My friends are coming in on the train, so I’m going to meet them in the city. We’ll be gone until six.” She gasped. “I forgot! Tonight we have a big dinner at Hansa to celebrate my master’s degree! Mom told me to tell you but I totally blanked!” Popping her head into his room, she grinned at him. “Seven o’clock at Hansa tonight! Wear something nice – and bring Ken with you! He’s into all that fancy stuff, right?”

“Jun!” Davis protested. “He just went to England – they didn’t knight him or anything!”

“Whatever, it was fancy! Bring him! Oh, and if you touch my leftover cobbler I’ll rip out your organs and strangle you with them! Thanks!” Jun ran to the door, calling over her shoulder. “Bye, Davis!”

“Bye, moron,” Davis called back. When he leaned over to watch the front door shut he saw her flicking him off. “Ouch!” He laughed when the door slammed.

Suddenly, the house fell into a hush. Davis crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. When it was quiet like this he finally felt like he could relax. He knew he needed to keep studying but the urge had left him. He was doing really well this semester - it was almost the end of his second year in college and his GPA was almost a 4.0 but still, his worries never subsided. That was probably why he aimed so high academically. In school, he’d never really been that bright. When the doors opened to his future he’d suddenly realized how much hard work it was going to be and ever since then he’d been determined to be the best. Davis had never been the best at school before. He didn’t know what being the best was like. In any position of grading he felt incredibly ill at ease despite the fact that he was fully prepared. What if he failed again? What if he didn’t get his degree? What would he do?

He dragged a hand over his face and sighed. Things were so heavy right now. These were all things he’d conjured to scare himself into working hard and he knew that but it didn’t stop him from being stressed out because of them.

Staring at his notes made him feel bored. He was too tired to keep studying, but he had nothing else to do. Maybe he could call Ken? No, he was busy today with university work. Tonight they had that celebration dinner… Davis wondered if maybe Ken would let him stay over tonight. They hadn’t done anything last time, and he was unbearably horny. He wanted to pin Ken to the wall and make him scream.

A rush of hormones flooded his pelvis. He didn’t try and stop it, thinking more about how he’d pick Ken up against the wall and get inside him from that angle. Ken would probably be in one of his white dress shirts totally unbuttoned with nothing else on. His hairband would be out, too. That long hair would be everywhere… his flat belly, those scars… his hard nipples… Davis groaned as his cock pushed excitedly at his fly. He couldn’t wait until tonight, if Ken even let him stay over. It had to be now. He undid his fly and pushed it away from the strain of his boxers. Deftly his fingers freed himself. Ken’s body; Ken’s thighs, Ken’s balls, Ken’s broad, pale chest, Ken’s red, curved penis… He needed to blow Ken again just to feel the head of his cock slide along his tongue, in and out, in and out, the wet tip bumping the roof of his mouth… He pushed on his balls a bit and squeezed the base of his stiff member, staring at it. He’d suck him off, and drag Ken to his feet… he’d pin him to the wall and pick him up with a leg over each shoulder… Davis rubbed the tip of his cock with his thumb, sending sparks through his body.

He’d slip it in that tight hot asshole… the cries Ken would make! Davis got a good grip around his member and started to play with it. Then he’d get in deep, and fuck him… so hard... He could just see Ken’s sex face… he’d grab onto the wall for support as his boyfriend ravished him, making those noises… his body pulsating around Davis’s cock…

“Shit,” Davis moaned.

He strained his hips as he touched himself. He was so sensitive that his cock was racked by waves of pleasure that loosened his senses. He couldn’t hear the washing machine turning over in the next room but he could already feel climax rushing at him like an oncoming train. He imagined Ken blowing him. His soft pink lips, those big blue eyes looking up at him, making it nice and wet as his lips tightened around him, tighter and tighter, fucking him deeper and deeper… Davis squeezed his cock and held his breath as the tickle of climax morphed into a tidal wave of ecstasy. He released it with a jet of cum and a moan, loose and loud as it rattled from his throat.

The orgasm thundered through his body. He pounded his member until every spark was gone and every drop was ejected from his tip. The itch had finally been scratched. He slouched low, exhausted, and sat watching his satisfied cock twitch gently in his hand. He gave it an experimental rub and gasped at how sensitive it was. It was never like this for him. Orgasms had been so boring for so long. Even picturing boys hadn’t done him much good. Maybe years of not being able to fuck boys had really done a number on him sexually. Now that he’d been with Ken, his sexual sensation was heightened to ridiculous proportions. Davis felt kind of vulnerable about this realization. Did that mean that other boy weren’t good enough for him? Did he have to be really close with them like he was with Ken? What did that make him? Demisexual?

He carefully cleaned up and decided to Google it. He pulled out his laptop and set it on top of his psychology notes. After a lot of reading he realized that he had no idea about the scale of genders and sexualities, and decided to read a lot more. He remembered the dinner tonight and sent Ken a text about it – if he replied, Davis would call and ask about staying over tonight. He wanted to talk to him about this sexuality stuff.

 

* * *

 

 

An hour later when Ken replied, Davis gave him a call. He walked barefoot in the kitchen to get a sandwich, cradling the phone to his ear. It phone rang softly.

“Davis!” Ken chimed.

“Ken, hey!”

“What’s up?”

“Well, I have a request. I know it’s a bit last minute, but I knew you were busy today and I didn’t want to call you earlier.”

“Try me. What is it?”

“Tonight, um…” Davis was struck by the thought that he was bringing his boyfriend to dinner tonight and not just an old friend from the past. “There’s a… um…”

“Are you ok?” Ken asked. “You sound like you just saw a ghost.”

Davis bit his lip. “Sorry, I… Jun is having a nice dinner at that Russian place Hansa tonight, and… she wants you there, too. With me.”

The same realization seemed to strike Ken. “Oh.”

An awkward silence stretched.

“I mean, if you don’t want to it’s ok,” Davis managed.

“No, I want to go,” Ken protested. “It’s just…”

“I know… I don’t know if I’m ready to tell my family, you know… and it’s her grad dinner…”  

“We’ll be totally normal.”

“What?”

“Not as a couple, just as us. It’ll be fine. That is… if you think you can do that?” Ken teased.

Davis felt torn. He wanted to take Ken with him but he also wanted to hold his hand, and kiss him, and fuck him against a wall… “O-Ok,” he managed. “Tonight at 7. We’ll meet you there.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you there.” Ken paused. “Davis, I love you.”

Davis was touched. “I love you too, baby. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me, too. Ok… bye…”

 Shyly, Ken hung up. Davis held the silent phone for a while as he stared down at the sandwich he’d just made. The bread was broken, the mayo was everywhere, and the layers of meat and cheese were falling out of every side. He gulped. Tonight was not going to be easy.


	9. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time gap. I partied hard, fell in love, got heartbroken, and drank so much that I was barely human when I got back from the city. My entire youth just worked itself out in four days (not an easy experience).

Davis wore his denim shirt again. He spiffed up in the mirror, angling himself to see if his hair was okay. The extra attention to his appearance served two purposes; first, it helped distract him from tonight; and second, it let him submerge in his tendency to be neurotic when he was stressed out. A lot of things about gay people and sexualities was having an MMA smack-down in his head, things he’d avoided for almost five years, and on top of that he was bringing the secret love of his life to dinner with his family. He was more than a little nervous.

Pacing his room, he patted his pockets several times making sure he had everything he needed. He’d just bought new shoes and he decided to wear them to Hansa tonight. The shoes were brown leather, laced with a distinctive English look. It had been a strong impulse buy but he needed something nicer to wear out with Ken since he was all about fashion now. Besides that, Davis really felt like his old shoes becoming unfamiliar. He’d changed since Ken got back. He felt like he’d outgrown the feeling of his older shoes.

Davis tied on his new shoes neatly and checked himself in the mirror. Perfect coloring. He made a mental not to buy more nice shirts and invest in a suit. He blushed. Since when did he care about color coordination – or nice clothing, for that matter? Ken was really starting to influence him. As he grabbed his coat and stepped outside, he got the feeling that he was becoming more like a gay man every day. And he was oddly comfortable with it. What had he been before? Just another Japanese teenager, bumming around in cargo shorts and a t-shirt. He really was different and he felt very grown up all of a sudden.

On the metro, Davis felt the eyes of girls lingering on him. His new shoes brought together the gentleman half of him that came with the changes he’d gone through. It shone on him like a beacon. He was showered, fresh as daisy, well dressed, confident, and in love. He swelled with pride. Bravely, he puffed out his chest and tried to look relaxed at the same time, but it was harder than it looked. Everyone was noticing him. He left the metro station with his jacket over his shoulder and his sleeves pushed up. He was early, so he eased his walk to reflect his calm demeanor. A nice watch dangled from his thin wrist. His new shoes sharpened his steps. Slouching into the cool night air felt like the coolest thing he’d ever done and in order to make it last he allowed his eyes and his mind to wander over his home city.

He’d grown up here, fought monsters here, and no matter what happened to Davis Tokyo would always be his home. The blinking traffic lights lulled him into a trance. He followed the flow of people down the main road, glancing idly at the clogged streets and cold faces passing him by. A small coffee shop caught his eye. His heart banked in his chest and began doing flips. He’d met three of his former girlfriends there back when he was still fucked up. Ditching classes, he used to hang out there hunting for a girl to take to the movies, and then finger her in the theater so that later she’d sleep with him.

The urge to have a girl on his lap reared its ugly head. He yanked his feet in a different direction on the sidewalk and when he looked up he was standing in front of the café. How he’d crossed the street or navigated the huge crowd was a blank in his mind but he could clearly see the short blue skirt Denise had worn the night he met her here. It had been so easy to hike it up on the red velvet theater seats…

Davis couldn’t breathe. He whirled away and plunged through the crowd. When he found a free bench along the sidewalk he sank down and put his face in his hands. He was so dizzy. _Breathe, breathe,_ he thought in desperation. A rush of cold air filled his lungs and he gulped it down, clutching his coat on his lap with white-knuckled hands. The panic subsided slowly. But in his chest, a black lump of coal settled into his heart cavity, fighting for room. A wave of regret crashed over him. _What’s wrong with me?_ He thought piteously. _I shouldn’t have ever touched those girls, I… These hands… they’ve caused so much damage…_

He was thrown back in time. There was sand beneath his feet. The sky overhead reeled with clouds. Thunder shook the ground as the floating fortress fell, creating a massive crater in the desert. Davis felt exhaustion and exhilaration crash over him but a steely determination dragged is bones forward in search of someone. Who? He couldn’t feel the others around him but he couldn’t turn to look. It wasn’t them that he wanted. He knew who he needed to find.

Cresting the dune, he fell to his knees. There he could see the Digimon Emperor – he was no longer himself, but a young boy in a grey school uniform. Davis didn’t recognize the boy at first. No traces of his goggles or pointed cloak could be found. He was kneeling in the sand with his eyes transfixed on his hands as the wind whipped sand all around him.  

 _“These hands have caused so much damage,”_ Davis heard the boy say. _“Yeah sure, put a textbook in them and I'm a genius… but put a whip in them, and I'm the evil Digimon Emperor.”_

“Davis?”

Snapping out of his trance, Davis flinched. His wild eyes soaked in his surroundings before finally locating the source of the voice. He blinked tears from his eyes. “Ken?” He croaked.

“Jesus! Davis, what happened?” Ken sat alongside him on the bench with an arm around his waist. His voice was tight with worry. “What’s wrong?”

Davis let Ken squeeze his hand as he gathered his senses. His breathing evened out. His heartbeat slowed. What had that been about? Wiping his face, Davis stared at the tears glistening on his hands. “Nothing happened. I’m ok.” He sniffed. “I’m ok. Just give me a second.”

The warmth of Ken alongside him made Davis realize something. He’d heard Ken say the same thing about himself five years ago – about his hands causing so much damage. He’d hurt thousands during his time as the evil Digimon Emperor. Digimon weren’t people, but they were real beings with real feelings, and by taking advantage of them Ken had released all the pressure of his life. It didn’t matter to him that he was causing pain. All that mattered was that he had a vent for all the pain in his life: his brother’s death, his parents’ sorrow, and his own personal guilt and stress had twisted his heart.

In the same way, Davis had taken advantage of girls as a vent for all the stress in his life. And he thought about it in the exact same way that Ken had all those years ago. He looked up and Ken was staring at him petrified with worry, his lips pressed into a thin line and his face blanched. Davis wondered briefly about the passing crowd. _What must I look like, having a mental breakdown in public?_

“I’m sorry,” Davis began. “I don’t mean to worry you. All of a sudden I saw the past five years flash before my eyes all at once and I thought about the damage I’ve caused, and… I finally saw myself for what I really am.” He took a deep, slow breath to keep from breaking down all over again. “I couldn’t cope. I can’t believe the person I was before. How could I do that?” He bent his head. “How could I hurt all those girls?”

Ken had waited with bated breath but his composure was shaken. He began rubbing Davis’s back, digesting this information. “You were hurt, Davis,” he replied at last. “You were suffering.”

“And I took it out on them!” Davis whispered harshly.  “Jesus… I’m a monster…”

“I did the same thing!” Ken exclaimed. “Don’t you remember?” Davis looked up at him guiltily, nodding. His throat closed up. Ken leaned in close, hugging him tightly. “I was in pain, too. I was suffering.” Davis clung onto his knee, and Ken touched his forehead to Davis’s temple, lowering his voice to a whisper. “You showed me where the light was. You saved me, Davis. Let me save you.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, Davis held his breath and tried in vain to hold back his tears. A few squeezed out of the corners of his eyes. One here, two there, and suddenly his whole body was trembling with the force of his sadness. Ken’s arms wrapped around his head. He wept quietly against Ken’s shoulder, shielded from prying eyes where no one could see or hear him. Davis felt so safe and so unburdened that he could barely think about what he’d been doing before. He hardly wanted to remember.

Still, two men hugging in public was making a scene, and he dreaded pulling away from Ken’s embrace. They sat silently holding hands for a minute. This, too, drew unwanted attention.

“Let’s go to Hansa,” Ken said quietly. “We can talk in the bathroom there.”

Davis nodded. They reluctantly released hands. Rising, the pair retreated, feeling daggers stared into their backs as they moved away through the crowd. Hansa was pleasingly crowded. Its medieval atmosphere was dim and hot, the guests laughing and raising pints of beer and glasses of hot wine over their steak dinners.

The couple slipped right into the bathroom totally unnoticed. Ken locked the door after checking the stalls for feet. Then he gathered Davis in his arms, kissing his temple and his throat, loosening Davis’s stiff anguish with his gentle fingertips.

“How did you find me?” Davis managed, taking Ken’s face in his hands.

“I was walking from the station, and I saw you running through the crowd. I thought you’d been robbed so I started running, too. My heart was about to fly out of my chest when I spotted you.” Ken kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, I know you’re still suffering.”

“Yeah,” Davis said quietly. “I didn’t really feel it until just now, you know? I was so high on having you back. But now…”

Ken shook his head. “I know.” He looked at Davis lovingly. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No, you’re perfect as is,” Davis said quickly. “Just… I want to touch you tonight.” He blushed. “I mean hold your hand, you know, ‘cause-”

“I’ll hold your hand tonight if you come over after dinner,” Ken interrupted. “And stay the night with me.”

“W-What? I can?”

“Yes. I’ve been too busy to tell you, but I love having you over,” Ken said sincerely. “When you leave, I… I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too…” Davis grinned, teary-eyed. Their lips hovered close together.

“And I’ve been thinking about it, and… I want you to stay longer than just tonight.” Ken’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “I want you to live with me.”

“YEAH?” Davis cried excitedly, starting backwards. His eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

Ken laughed. “Yeah.”

“YES!” Grabbing Ken, Davis swung him around, kissing him as he did so that they both tumbled into the wall in a mass of arms and legs. Ken grappled with him. Davis grinned against his mouth, pinning him against the cold linoleum as they kissed. A loud knock at the door scared them both shitless and they sprang apart, red faced and alert. “Sorry!” Davis called. He grabbed Ken by the hand and dragged him over to the bathroom mirror. They fixed their hair and clothes in ten seconds flat. Then, unlocking the door, they shot passed the confused line of men waiting to piss, vanishing in the horde of people.

It didn’t take them long to find Jun’s table. She was drinking with her mom, both of them wasted on champagne, her giggling friends surrounding them. When Davis and Ken joined them Jun made a squeak of surprise that set off a round of cheering. Davis’s mother hung all over Ken, spilling all of Davis’s dark secrets about his long-time crush, but under the table Ken and Davis’s fingers were tightly intertwined. They ate three rounds of rich Russian food: borsch, salmon steaks, seasoned fries, and gingerbread ice cream that was out of this world, and of course they drank.

In the cab home Davis and Ken kissed avidly in the back seat, resulting in them getting kicked out of the cab. They made their way to the river and lay in the grass under the bridge making out until two in the morning. Then they called another cab and pretended not to be holding hands all the way back. Of course they were both very drunk so they failed miserably, but the cab driver was deaf so he cared very little for their romantic banter. They kissed in the elevator of Ken’s building, almost fucking against the doors, but when they reached Ken’s floor they fell out onto the landing in a pile. It was sobering enough for them to realize they needed a bed to fuck on.

After fumbling with the keys for twenty minutes and stripping naked in the living room as soon as the door shut behind them, they picked the nearest surface and fucked on it for as long as they could hold out. Davis came inside Ken before he could pin him to the wall but it’s probably for the better – neither of them could stand up straight or even think straight by then. Although to be fair, they weren’t very straight to begin with.


	10. Storm on the Horizon

“No…”

Davis’s brain twitched. He was deep asleep, but Ken’s tone pierced his slumber like a bullet. Slowly it roiled about in the limbo between sleep and consciousness, heavy with dreams.

“No… I don’t… _NO!”_

Davis snapped awake. At first he felt disoriented because it was Ken’s room and it was pitch black. He couldn’t see, the air was cold, and the sheets were tangled around him but in the darkness Davis’s arms snapped out and found his lover. He struggled to pull him closer. “Ken?” He groused. “Hey, what is it?”

Alongside him, Ken was writhing, his body moving without his consent. “I can’t… I don’t want… No…! NO, _NO!_ ”

“HEY!” Davis cried, shaking him.

Ken sucked in a huge breath and his eyes flew open. He began hyperventilating. He covered his body with his arms and pushed his face into Davis’s chest like his worst nightmare had just touched him but he’d gotten away alive.

Davis gathered Ken in his arms. “Hey,” he whispered. “Hey, it’s ok. I’m here. What’s wrong, buddy? What happened?”

Ken, trembling head to foot, refused to answer. He hid himself childishly until there was nothing Davis could do except gather the covers around him and lay there stroking him. Davis peppered his hair with kisses. What kind of nightmare had he had? It had seemed pretty bad, but he’d never screamed in his sleep before. Maybe something was wrong. He hummed something low and soft until Ken stopped trembling but his breathing hitched for a long time.

“Davis,” Ken said finally, almost weeping.

“Yeah? What is it?” Davis pressed.

“God, it’s you… you’re ok…” Then Ken dissolved into gibberish, hugging Davis so tightly that he was about to crush him. “Don’t go. Don’t go. Don’t go.” He began to repeat it over and over until it became almost like a mantra in sound.

Davis sat up, dragging Ken with him. “Look at me.” He demanded. “It was a dream. Look at me.”

Ken clung on tightly, ignoring him. His chanting increased rapidly. 

 “Ken!” Davis said sharply. “Wake up!”

With a start, Ken went deathly silent. His big blue eyes lifted from Davis’s chest to his face. “Davis.” He released him, sitting back. Glancing around uneasily, he shifted in bed until he was sitting properly. “W… was I asleep…?”

Davis stared at him. “You just came out of a serious nightmare. I thought you were awake, you… don’t remember?”

“No. I heard you say my name and I…” Ken touched his forehead. “My head…”

“Stay here.” Davis got up, flicking on the lights and blinding them both. He marched to the kitchen and got Ken some pain meds and a glass of water. When he returned, Ken was just where he’d left him. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed him the water and the pill. “Take this.”

“I… really don’t like drugs…”

“I take these all the time, it’s fine,” Davis pushed. “Take it.”

Reluctantly Ken obeyed. He drained the glass of water. Davis took the empty glass and put it aside carefully, looking Ken over. He seemed ok now. Just a bit shaken.

“What were you dreaming about?” He asked.

Ken shook his head and winced at the pain it caused. “I was… in this darkness, and… there was someone else there with me. God, it was so dark…”

“What else?”

“Uh… you were there. Yeah, standing beside me. I tried to look but I couldn’t move. I could feel you but not touch you and I was getting more and more anxious until I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest, then…” Ken grabbed his arm with a wild look in his eyes. “They came. They took you.”

Davis paled. “Who took me?”

Ken’s words trembled. “The voice.”

Chills scurried up and down Davis’s spine for some unknown reason and an unnatural fear took hold of him. The voice? What voice? He gulped. “Ken, it was just a dream,” he said soothingly.

“Yeah.” Ken’s fear flickered. “Yeah, just a dream.”

“Does this kind of thing happen often?” Davis asked.

“Normally I don’t wake up,” Ken said shakily.

“Jesus.” Davis slid over and wrapped him in an intimate embrace. “I’m here for you, buddy.”

“Davis…” Ken hugged him, relieved.

“Don’t think about it. You’re safe now.” Davis left to switch off the lights and came back to bed, tucking Ken in close to him. “Just remember where I am, ok? I’m right here. No one took me away.”

They kissed tenderly. Ken touched him, enjoying the bare flesh of his chest. He made a sound deep in his throat. “How much sex did we have before I fell asleep?”

“I think just one round.”

“Let’s make it two,” Ken murmured. He reached down and grasped Davis’s soft member, rubbing it with his thumb.

Davis gasped. “It’s so early… oh, God…” He moaned as Ken slid his hand into his boxers and got a fresh grasp on him. “Oh, Ken…” He groaned.

“Say it again,” Ken breathed.

Davis shuddered as all the blood rushed into his pelvis. He kissed Ken’s throat seductively. “Ken…”

Ken wrapped around Davis’s cock as it lengthened, squeezing it. “Louder.”

“AH - _Ken!”_ Davis moaned.

Ken got onto his lap. “Good boy,” he teased. He played with Davis, watching his face go slack. He gave him a good rhythm. “You’re really sensitive. Have you been practicing?” He grinned. “There is one thing I haven’t done yet… Are you ready?”

“Yes. God, yes.” Davis laughed in amazement as Ken moved down to lay between his legs. His fantasies came rushing back to him. “Go easy… go easy…”

Twitching, his cock throbbed and brushed Ken’s cheek as he settled down. Ken began massaging it between his fingers. “Like this?” Ken licked his long pink length with a broad tongue. At Davis’s gasp he did it again. The more noise Davis made, the more Ken seemed turned on. He treated the throbbing member like a lollipop until Davis was straining for more, pushing against his tongue. Ken licked the tip and he jolted. “Ready?” He asked lewdly.

Those big blue eyes, those rosy cheeks, the pale lips poised a breath from his cock… Davis nodded, too breathless to answer. He wasn’t silent for long. As Ken sank Davis’s cock into his mouth, Davis let out a husky moan that topped all others. The pleasure that exploded in his cock was unimaginable. He sank his fingers into Ken’s hair and pushed him down deeper. 

Gorging himself, Ken obliged Davis’s plea. Davis’s knees strained open. He thrust his hips to the rhythm of Ken’s bobbing head, barely able to hold himself back. It felt extraordinary and he was drowsy with hormones and sleep. Roiling lust built up in his belly, in his chest, and coursed through his veins, controlling him. Davis shut his eyes and clung to his pillow with one hand and Ken’s hair with the other. He’d never felt so good. All the time he could see Ken’s bobbing head in his mind, dipping over his member and sliding up again just how he’d imagined.

It was a long, wild ride. Ken was determined not to let go but also not to push Davis too far, so they played a game of tease and push. The more Ken teased, slowing his motions and loosening his lips, the harder Davis pushed on the back of his head. Then Ken would tighten up again and give him a good couple of rounds before it started all over again. Ken was just enjoying himself now and Davis was getting worn out, but he was a slave to the orgasm lying in wait. Davis diligently moved his hips. He was unable to stop until he was satisfied. Ken reacted to his desperation by sucking harder and deeper, tightening his grip until Davis gasped. His head dipped down even more. The tip began to hit the back of Ken’s throat, and Davis felt a rush of ecstasy that set the ball rolling on his climax.

Davis moaned loudly and thrust as deeply into Ken’s mouth as he could, hitting the back of his throat. His tip erupted with ecstasy. He came suddenly as that rush of pleasure spiked through his pelvis. His cock jettisoned its package into Ken’s throat and raked against his tight lips spitefully. Everything in Davis tightened with tension. His world swam. His cock throbbed and his nerves were racked with pleasure, and then just as suddenly as it came upon him the orgasm faded, leaving him limp and panting. The stars cleared from his eyes as he floated on a cloud of sexual satisfaction. No matter what he did he couldn’t form a coherent thought.

Letting Davis’s limp member slip between his lips, Ken struggled to swallow. His shaken posture seemed indicative of being caught by surprise but he took it like a champ. Wiping his mouth, his lips parted to let through large cool gulps of air. His face was rosy red and his eyes shone as he looked from Davis’s relaxed expression to the twitching cock he’d just taken. The urge to touch it flashed over his face. Resisting physically, Ken moved to lay with Davis. He kissed his nipples and ran his tongue over both in turn, leaving little traces of saliva mixed with cum along them. And even shaking as they were his hands passed over Davis’s body in the most intimate way.

With their bodies so close, Ken nuzzled up to Davis, kissing his neck and wrapping his arms around his waist. “You’re perfect, Davis,” Ken whispered. “So perfect. Fucking you is… amazing.” He kissed Davis’s ear and nipped at his earlobe. “You melted into a cute boy puddle – you’re at my mercy. What should I do with you next?”

“Whatever you want,” Davis said honestly. “I’m good.”

“Then turn over on your back. It’s my turn,” Ken teased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be gone for about four days, but this might be where I stop. Thank you for reading this far.


	11. Loose Ends

“Ken?”

“Hm?”

Davis picked the couch pillow off the floor and set it neatly on the cushion. He reached next for the rumpled blanket tossed over the back of the couch, his eyes drawn to the arch of Ken’s body as he moved the mop bucket and continued to clean. Davis gripped the blanket too tightly as he shook it out and folded it into a square. “I’ve been thinking a lot about some stuff I researched online yesterday.” He swallowed. “Do you know anything about other sexualities?”

Ken’s eyes flitted over him before going back to work. “Sure I do. I was close with some asexuals in England and my buddy Lewis was a raging hetero.”

“You knew asexuals?”

“Yeah – you know, I think Kari might be one. She never did get with TK, did she?”

“No, they fought too much.” Davis stared at the blanket in his hands.

Ken put aside the mop. “Why were you researching sexualities, if I may ask?”

“I…” Davis carefully replaced the blanket on the back of the couch. “I think I’m… demi.”

“Really?” Ken asked curiously. He walked over, wiping his hands on his old t-shirt. “I never thought about you that way. Why?”

“It’s… I… really, I don’t know,” Davis fumbled.

“It’s ok, Davis. I’m glad you’re exploring yourself. Why do you think you’re demisexual?” Ken repeated gently.

Davis glanced at Ken, vulnerable and hesitant. “I tried to be with boys before, but… I just couldn’t find myself attracted to them. They were really good guys. I just… when they tried things, I…” He flickered angrily. “I got scared because I didn’t want them that way – I couldn’t feel that way about them.”

“And you think it’s because you need to be very close friends first? Like us?”

“Yeah,” Davis said quickly.

“That’s fair.” Ken began to thoughtfully braid his long ponytail. “It would make sense. When we first met you came on really strong in the friendship department and I wasn’t really ready. You were perfect for me - I was afraid of that feeling, but eventually the passion in your friendship won me over. From the moment you saved me I knew I wanted to be with you that way. But for a long time you didn’t really show signs of pursuing me – actually, I remember you going after Kari before I got any signals from you romantically. You were already really close with her but once you got really close with me… I started to notice you changing. Then I left.” He frowned. “Did you ever go for Kari?”

Davis looked at the floor. “That’s a long story.”

“Regardless, I think you’re right,” Ken continued. “You’re probably demisexual. Kari was the easy focus because you’d been friends a long time and then… I came along.”

Together, they began to gather the cleaning supplies scattered around the floor and replace them into the bathroom cupboard. Davis was oddly quiet for a few minutes. Once they were done, he pulled off his dirty shirt and rolled it in his hands before he tossed it into the laundry bin. “You’re right,” he said at last. “I was really close with Kari but she never showed interest in me. As a kid, that just made me want her even more. I suppose that’s when I began liking you.” He looked at Ken in the bathroom mirror. “It’s all really blurry. First I was just passionate about helping you, then… I started to think about you all the time. About us. Of course, only when you were gone and it was too late, but still. That subconscious part of me that liked you more than my conscious self was just waiting to come out.”

Ken smiled at him. “You never had any boy friends after me?”

“No. The others moved away. At one point I was close with TK, but he got to go to med school so he’s been too busy for me.” Davis sighed. “The other bad guys knew I was a big slut so I got a reputation, and… none of the nice guys trusted me.”

“Understandable.”

“True. Still, I was really lonely.”

“Five years and no other boys?”

“None,” Davis sighed, rubbing his face. “Just Thomas.”

“Thomas?” Ken questioned. He led the way back into the bedroom. On the short balcony, they stood in the dim cloudy sunlight together staring at the dark ocean.

“Yeah. I forced myself to go to a gay bar once. There was this guy eyeing me all night, and I didn’t really feel that stuff, but I talked to him. He convinced me to try oral to see if anything sparked in me, but… he really just wanted to get blown.” Davis sighed through his nose. “I felt used. So I never went back.”

“Wait…” Ken frowned. “You had sex with a lot of girls, right? Why? If you’re demi – how?”

Davis made an uncomfortable wiggle similar to a shrug. “I thought I was supposed to. I watched porn for a long time trying to get something going so I knew how to have sex. When I started my body just sort of… reacted. My dick just likes to be touched - I’m the picky one, not him. Really it was the closest I could get to sexual attraction, and I became addicted to the sex because of the relief it gave my body. It was very separate from attraction for me.”

Ken stared at him. “You never once felt attracted to a girl?”

Davis shrugged. “I’m not blind. I know when they’re sexy to other people or when they’re beautiful. I just never wanted to be intimate with them. It was like smoking. I started it to try and feel better and it worked.” 

“Fascinating.” Ken rubbed his neck. “I can’t believe that wild ride. How did you survive?”

Davis stretched his body, arms lifted high into the sky. “Fix to fix.”

 

* * *

 

 

The wind was strong tonight. Davis leaned off the balcony with a cigarette clutched between his lips. He clutched the railing, his shirt flapping against his chest as he puffed it and squinted out at the dark ocean. Something big was coming. He hoped it was only a thunderstorm. Picking the cigarette from his mouth Davis blew smoke from his nose with his eyes glued on the horizon. The deep unease in his roiling stomach was making him queasy but the nicotine helped. He took another long drag.

Behind him, the door cracked open.

“Dinner’s ready,” Ken said.

When Davis turned around he saw that Ken was glowing. His eyes were alight, his face flushed with steam and his dark hair in a neat bun at the nape of his neck, a loose tank top hanging off his pale shoulders. Davis knew that Ken hated his smoke but he drew him close and kissed him anyway. He struggled to hold onto him but Ken wiggled away, escaping the smell. “Sorry, I can’t resist you,” Davis managed.

Ken fixed him with a sharp look. “A likely story. Hit the Listerine before you come eat, would you?”

“Yes, honey,” Davis exaggerated.

Ken shut the door and slipped away. Davis watched him, his hair whipping in the room and the cigarette burning down between his fingers. He finished it in three puffs. On his way inside, he put the butt into the garbage can and headed for the bathroom. When he sat down at the table he was shocked to see Ken bringing three different pots to the table. “Babe, what’s all this?” He asked.

Setting down each closed pot, Ken scrunched up his face to try and remember which was which. He pointed at them one by one. “Grilled vegetables, shrimp and pesto sauce from scratch, and enough spaghetti for an army. I’m bad at portioning.”

Davis stared at him. “I married a wonder man.”

“We’re not married - and I Googled this recipe. It doesn’t take a genius.”

Getting up, Davis wrestled Ken into a hug as he tried to bring a carton of juice to the table, covering his face in kisses. “I’ll never get tired of that mouth,” he mumbled.

“You’re delusional,” Ken shot back teasingly. “You seem to like it when someone points out how much of a moron you are. If you had a filter for your mouth you wouldn’t even need me.”

“Hey, that’s a lie. I’d never match my clothes again without you.”

“Because you dress like an unemployed frat boy.”

“Fair.”

Ken managed to put the juice on the table, wrapping his arms around Davis. He hid himself against his chest. “Davis,” he said quietly.

“What is it, babe?” Davis replied.

“Why are you still smoking?”

Davis grew silent as Ken picked at his shirt as if he could pluck the smell between his fingers and flick it over his shoulder like ash. Letting his hands anchor Ken against him, Davis gave a sigh. He could feel every drop of the boy he loved so much coming through the man he’d come to love. “Because it’s an addiction,” he said finally. “I’m dependent on it.”

Drawing back, Ken studied him carefully. “Are you sure you’re ready to give it up?”

“Ken.” Davis took the pack out of his pocket and showed it to him. “I’m down to one a day. I was on five last week.” Ken took them from him disdainfully and Davis’s heart hurt for him. “I’m doing it for you. I can do it, Ken.” He pressed.

“Ok.” Ken shook his head. “Ok, right.” He slid the box back into Davis’s pocket and pulled out their chairs. “Sit. Let’s eat.”

Davis sank into his chair, eyeing his lover. “You’re worried about the girls.” The cold look Ken gave him sent chills up his spine. He gulped.

Wordlessly Ken dished himself some pasta. He poured sauce over it, giving himself a healthy heap of vegetables with a trembling hand. He stabbed a grilled tomato and popped it into his mouth, speaking around it. “I’m not.”

Davis served himself, sticking his fork into the tantalizing masterpiece. His eyes returned to Ken over the steam. “Ken.” He rubbed his thighs thoughtfully. “You know I never liked it. It was torture for myself. I don’t need that when I’m with you.”

“What about if we have a fight, hm?” Ken prodded, prying at the juice cap. It came lose with a loud pop.

Davis blinked. “What? Why would I…?”

“To torture yourself when you feel depressed.” Ken stabbed a shrimp and chewed it carelessly. “It’s not hard to imagine. How do I know you won’t go back to cheating when we’re not doing so great together?”

Sighing, Davis stared at the food for a minute. “I guess… you don’t know.” He looked over tentatively. “But I don’t, either. It’s scary for both of us.”

“What kind of answer is that?” Ken snapped.

Davis pushed back his chair and stood up. He paced the table, rubbing his face. “I hate this.” He laced his hands behind his head. “I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to us. I don’t know. It’s an intense question. I… I hated myself when I was with those girls. But I also hurt them.” He looked at the back of Ken’s head. “I hated hurting people. I don’t think I’ll ever get bad enough to do that again. Not… not if it risks who I am now for you.”

“Honestly?” Ken turned in his chair to stare at him. “Are you absolutely certain that I’m enough?” He persisted.

Davis went to him, putting his hands on the back of his chair. He looked deep into his eyes. “I love you. I changed for you, Ken. I can’t risk a step backwards. Not if it means I could lose you… again.” He bent his head and touched his forehead to Ken’s. “I swear. I swear it.”

Grabbing Davis’s shirt in his fist, Ken clutched him close. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I know,” Davis said gently. “Kiss me.”

As their lips met, a peal of thunder cracked the sky open and a torrent of rain poured out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've got some more in me. I know, I'm surprised, too.


End file.
